The Pace Family Place

Old School Birth Stories

2012-02-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about doing this for a while. I want to get some old school birth stories from my family and my husbands family. I want to hear all about birth from their point of view (the good, the bad, the ugly) and share it with all those who are interested. My last birth blog post was the most popular by far, and I think people would be interested in hearing how things used to be, I know I AM! So, if I can get them, I would love love love to share some stories from grandmothers and great-grandmothers on how birthing used to be back in the day.

Yes, Birth does matter!

2012-02-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

How we give birth matters!

What our babies experience shapes who they are.

What a mother experiences at the very transition

from maiden to mother changes her.

Gentle, natural birth unlocks something primal

at our very core that makes mothering easier [and]

makes families stronger... If parents would only realize

that every single decision they make from conception onward influences

the outcome of their birth, they could reclaim what they didn't even know was lost.

-Kim Wildner, Mother's Intention

This saying brings tears to my eyes. It is at the core of my beliefs about birth. My very passion. I am so happy to be finally working with pregnant women and to be helping them shape their lives and the lives of future generations.To help women understand that birth really does matter. It is such an important concept, so basic, yet so many women do nothing to make sure their birth is an event that is positive and uplifting. To reclaim your birth means to do your research, make decisions based off all the information you can find and to take charge of your experience by choosing the right people to surround you during the birth. For every woman your best birth is unique to you and what is right based off your situation. But if you never take the time to research, learn and surround yourself with a community that utterly believes in birth and its wonderfullness then you truly are missing out. Here are some amazing women who took that time to claim their birth as their own. Wonderful moments caught on film that will forever impact these women and the children that they birthed!


Sarah and her first homebirthed baby Charlotte

Sarah's third baby Milo was born into her arms in their home
surrounded by family and friends. Just beautiful.

http://footedjammies.blogspot.com/

Jade labored in the water with her husband and doulas support
, here she is doing skin to skin with daughter Zoey
http://jadeyeonghee.blogspot.com/

After 44 hours of labor, Deb finally births her baby boy Trey


Debra, a first time mom, chose to birth her baby at home!

Beautiful Dusti and her baby Finn born
into her husband arms http://www.wheresdusti.blogspot.com/

New baby Finn meeting big brother

Haley and inspiring little family at http://mamahaas.blogspot.com/

My friend and and apprentice midwife vbac mama Tiffany

Asher in my arms, taking his first breath

Meagan and her VBAC baby Delaney
here is a video compilation of the gorgeous pics from her birth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=w4ryOCP2TY0

Katie with her water baby Lorelei

Here you can find some research from some online articles:

~ "The birth experience itself is influential: very detailed birth memories can be retrieved, and the more traumatic the birth experience, the higher the correlation with physiological and psychological problems, including serious disorders such as schizophrenia and psychosis. Again, the mother's attitude has been demonstrated to be the most important factor in determining the character of the birth. The vital factors in predicting the ease and speed of labor are the mother's attitudes toward motherhood, her relations to her own mother, and the presence of habitual worries, fears, and anxieties going beyond normal apprehension." http://www.theosophy-nw.org/theosnw/issues/sx-sbd2.htm

~ Babies Remember Pain- how they can remember feeling pain after being birthed if it is not in a gentle way, among other things that might cause them pain after birth. http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/chamberlain/

~Elective cesareans with no trial of labor can effect the babies respiratory system http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2453515/

~ " Unborn children remember the experience of gestation andbirth and these memories become the foundation for feelings andbehaviors throughout life" http://www.eheart.com/cesarean/shapira.html (very interesting read, love the "assisted" cesarean to mimick being born from the vagina)

~Tips for having a safer and more satisfying cesarean for when that is the best option for you and baby http://www.childbirthconnection.com/article.asp?ck=10170#delivery

~The best time to start preparing for your birth is NOW. Where can you start researching and learning? Well here are just a few nice places to start: http://spinningbabies.com/more-info/for-pregnancy
http://www.mothersnaturally.org/resources/literatureResearch.php
http://resources.thefeministbreeder.com/
http://www.slideshare.net/childbirthconnection/want-good-maternity-care-10-things-you-can-do

One of the most important things to understand is that this event will literally engrave itself into your memory for your entire life. My grandmother can tell me details of when my uncle was born. Your birth will impact your life significantly, whether it is in a good way or not so favorable way.

So the next time you hear someone say, "Oh, you got a healthy baby, that is all that matters". Help them understand why that is absolutely NOT all that matters. These women, and their birth experience matters, too! And I think they would tend to agree with you.

*thanks to all these wonderful ladies for sharing their photos. Truly inspiring, really.

Mama milk and cars

2012-01-30T18:15:00.001-08:00

Asher is such a "boy" already. Playing cars on mama while nursing.

Nursing in public

2012-01-15T18:15:00.001-08:00

I am getting a lot more comfortable nursing in public these days. In fact I just had some photos taken for this breastfeeding project called a sustaining bond and they are putting the images in a book to pass around in doctors offices and boutiques. I am all about supporting this cause so I signed up and wanted to share my favorite pic from the shoot. If everyone did it, it would be the norm and people wouldnt think twice about seeing a babe getting milk when and where he needs it.

asustainingbond.org

What do you think?

Lonely, Im so lonely... (or, Jessica Pace is lost)

2012-01-07T18:16:00.001-08:00

So many days now it seems like I am fighting myself not to fall into some deep despair. I am, more days than not, completely, utterly, and devestatingly lonely. It comes and goes but its not just the move to kernersville that has done this to me. I battled this in raleigh over the summer. I battled it in early 2011 after Zack left for NC in feb. I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe it has something to do with postpartum crap. Though Asher is over a year now. I just needed to vent, I feel eaten away at, like Im not truly whole...pieces of me are left in Ohio, but it is more than that. I need friends, true companions to visit with all the time with. Someone who makes you laugh so hard you cant breathe. I just dont have that here, and I desperately need it as I think every woman does.
    I also know that being a stay at home mom, no school or anything, is adding to my sense of loneliness. I just hardly ever get out except for my doula stuff. Other than that its just the boys and me constantly, and while I utterly love being with them I think I need to find something two or three days a week to get me out the house and to make some money. Just something small to help our financials and give me a chance to socialize. Zack just works too much that I dont get to see him hardly ever either.
    I didnt want to do a whine/complain/vent post again. But I am desperately in need of help. I needed to just post this because, dammit, I need to start finding some more friends and hanging out on a regular basis or I am going to loose it.
    Sorry for the ridicilous ME post. If anyone seriously does read this, what can I do to find happiness again...to find MYSELF again? Jessica Pace is lost.

Our 2012 Bucket List

2012-01-06T06:43:00.001-08:00

2012 is gonna be our Sieze The Day kinda year. Not that we nessesarily believe something huge is going to happen at the end of this year...but we are not ruling it out either. I wanted to start a list of some important things I want to do this year. I might add more as I go but here are some things both Zack and I want to have accomplished in 2012....

Jess:
• Visit a place (within driving distnO hIance) that Ive always wanted to. I am thinking The Farm in Tennessee would be a perfect outing!
• Help start an ICAN chapter in the triad area and a birth circle too!
• Get Lincoln enrolled in preschool
• Have a weekend getaway with my hubby
• Get back into nursing school
• Go to a sweet concert. See someone weve always wanted to but never have (maybe smashing pumpkins, 311, or something)
• Finish my DONA doula certification stuff and start taking pay for clients
•Do a crazy obstacle course or marathon 5k as a goal to get in better shape
• Lose another twenty lbs (about 30 lbs lost so far since sept 2011)
• Be at my best friends birth :) !!!
• Completely and radically change the way we eat. Eating more whole, natural and healthy overall not just here and there.

Zack:
• Increase my work pay, become a store manager somewhere.
• Move into a better apartment
• Get rid of my car and get a minivan
• Lose 25 lbs
• Play mass effect 3
• Work on my book
• Visit mom in rocky mount
• Get to a browns game next season
• Go on a trip with my wife

We will add more and cross off each as we get to it. We hope to look back on 2012 with a sense of happiness and accomplishment even if its just remembering to take advantage of the small moments with our boys. Happy 2012 everyone! Lets make it the best one yet!

Might be a while...

2011-12-27T13:03:00.001-08:00

Computer is broke. Actually both our laptops are fried...in the same week. The blog post I was working on will have to wait cause long blog posts from the phone suck to do. Anyways, wanna do an update post on asher and being one and our wonderful christmas. Ill get to those as soon as I can. For now, enjoy the rest of 2011!

ASHER and being ONE!

2011-12-17T12:31:00.000-08:00

Let's get to know the little dude Asher Orion who just turned ONE year old!

First, let me start by saying that WOAH, turning one flipped some crazy insane switch in this boy's head. He is no longer a baby, he is this big boy that walks all around and is constantly trying to communicate and understand new things, it is amazing! Here is an update on all the things this baby/not so baby boy is doing now:

He is slowly becoming a daddy's boy and I love it. Asher waits for Zack to come home and claps his hands and runs to him with his arms open wide.
He wants to run with the big kids now. At the playground or any kind of activity place where big kids are, Asher just waddles right up to them and tries to get in on the action.
Asher has the greatest/silliest walk that looks like he is waddling with a large diaper between his legs, because, well, he usually is.
Gross activities Asher tries to get into ALL the time: putting his hands in the toilet bowl water, grabbing the toilet bowl brush, getting in the trash can, eating dirt and disgustingness off the ground whenever and whereever. Its pretty hilarious and horrible all at the same time.
Asher is in CLOTH diapers now, and ABSOLUTELY loving it. He will come to me now when I am getting it all set out on the ground for him, its nice and cushy on his butt!
Love that he gives real hugs, holds on to you and snuggles so tight to you. Its precious.
Asks what everything is by pointing at it and makes this silly bah noise so we can tell him what it is.
Speaks like a Mars Attacks alien.
Loves balls, so much. Loves saying "ball" and throwing it back and forth with people.
Also says lots of words that starts with B, like book tho it sounds like "bhhhk"
Nursing so well still, and has no plans on stopping anytime soon. He is growing and communicating to me when he is hungry he just comes up to me to snuggle and sometimes tries to get at his mama milk by himself.
I dont know how much he weighs, as we have not found a pediatrician here yet that follows my core values, but I am guessing he is in the mid twenties or so. Wearing 12 month tops or bigger, and 12 month pants or smaller he has short stocky legs.

Anyways, here is were the tough age begins. Being into so much and trying to be a big boy, but not able to really talk yet and/or understand all thats going on. I love my sweet sweet mommy milk baby boy, and will cherish these moments.

My sweet one year old.

2011-12-16T09:16:00.001-08:00

I am enjoying how much being one seems to have changed my little dude. Ill do a whole post soon on all the great things he is doing but for now ill leave you with this picture. He is really loving cloth diapers on his little bum.

Photo to inspire memories

2011-12-08T10:48:00.001-08:00

I love this photo so much. I will cherish forever the summer at mimis house. And all the time I got to spend with my boys

Finally!

2011-12-01T19:43:00.001-08:00

Well look at me, I finally have a phone with internet capabilities. I can even blog and post pics from it. Sounds so silly but we have always had the most craptastic phones, so its nice to have this in the palm of my hands. The boys are sleeping next to me and I just loved seeing them sleep so peacefully. They are growing so fast. Asher started walking about 2 weeks ago and he is so fast now, he walks to silly like he is sneaking up on everybody all the time. so adorable I'll have to post a video. By the way I am in complete denial but he is turning 1 in a few weeks, it's not happening... he still my baby baby boy.

New move update!

2011-11-10T20:01:00.001-08:00

It has been about two weeks since we have all moved into this apartment as a family. I am happy to be all together again, seriously, it is wonderful eating dinner all together, and seeing my husband play with the boys.

There have been some great changes happening with this big change in our living space... our big boy Lincoln has been... mostly, finally sleeping in his big boy bed in his own room! For the first time!!!

But here is where I am going to complain. I feel like I have a newborn again. It is horrible. Asher hardly naps, he wakes up screaming and whining about 4 to 6 times each night. I am so utterly tired and exhausted in the morning. Not to mention he is nursing every two hours again, AT LEAST! He is constantly attached to the boob again it seems. I am not sure if its just cause he is freaked out from the new place or what. He seems to like it here, he is also still plenty chunky and we are giving him a little bit more solids to try and help. But, its doing nothing! I am reading a book called the No-Cry Sleep Solution and I pray that this does something to help. I am going to try and introduce a lovey to him to help so he can comfort himself with it. But I am just so tired of constantly constantly nursing! Im sore!!!

Anyways lets check out pics of the new place and the boys!

Cant believe this little dude is 11 months. Where did my little baby go? He is trying to keep up with Lincoln and is pretty close to doing it!!!!

We got a place!

2011-10-27T18:07:00.001-07:00

Just got a two bedroom apartment in kernersville, NC! Finally moving in together as a family! Ill post pics soon. Cant wait for this weekend *moving in on Oct. 31st!

Saying goodbye to 25!

2011-10-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

This year of my life has been epic, life-changing, and incredibly hard. I have learned so much but still have so much to go to find myself. I was almost 9 months pregnant when I celebrated my birthday last year and in nursing school full time, now I am laying in bed next to a 3.5 year old and a 10 month old and have spent the majority of the past seven months on my own with the two boys.
Let's re-cap the past 12 months of my life, shall we:

October 2010

Went out to dinner with my close family and two friends Katie and Melissa. It was very nice.... until I got the phone call on my way home that pretty much about changed my life forever. I learned to never ever ever EVER take your friends for granted. Do not let some petty thing come between you and a friend because you never know what could happen and you never had the chance to make things right between you. I will never forget that, and try to never let something stupid come in the way of a friendship again. I love you girl.

November 2010

Zack's birthday month. Dad came into town for thanksgiving with us. They drank the whole time and played video games, also they went to see a Brown's game, while I stayed home and took lots of naps and studied for finals.

December 2010

I actually gave birth! I did it!!!! Pretty much on a high this entire month.

January 2011

Visted lots of family and friends over holiday break. Trying to get into the groove with two babies. Hard time nursing now. Start school back up. Spent as much time as possible snuggling my boys.

February 2011

Life-changing month as well... Zack quit his job of 6 years at heinens!!! Just up and quit, tired of the bullshit with it and needed to get out, so he did it. May not have been the best way to do things but he made the leap. Packed up and took Lincoln on a trip to NC to visit and look around for a new job (this was a very hard, but relaxing 6 days without Lincoln!!!) . The start of this crazy season in our lives in NC!
Start Birthworks Childbirth Education Classes with Tiffany Sexton (teacher) and Jen Dolly.

March 2011

First month alone with two boys while Zack moved to NC. Crazy hard month, but finally got a groove. Visited a lot of family and used the help of some friends. Also was getting overwhelmed with school at this point. Still really cold and snowy in Ohio.

April 2011

Crazy Month! My boys got very sick at the beginning of the month. Asher hospitalized with RSV, basically a cold in babies that gets into their respiratory system and makes it hard for them to breathe. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days... by myself.... while Zack had just started a new job in NC and my uncle john's family took care of Lincoln. Really hard couple days! The next week, after Asher was all better, I attended a Rally for Safe Mothers in DC! Lincoln turned 3! Spent a lot of time with my sisters.

May 2011

Nothing much went on this month. Lincoln got a haircut. Asher is 5 months, starts sitting up.

June 2011

Pack up and follow my hubby down to NC! Say goodbye to Ohio friends and family. :( Heather and the boys and I drive down for my sister's amazing wedding, and freaking awesome bachelorette party. Camera breaks at said bacelorette party. (learned lesson- do not drink and party while swinging a camera around, even if it is supposed to be shatter proof) Vacation in OBX with family, move in with Mimi in Raleigh!

July 2011

Living at Mimis house in Raleigh. Breastfeeding world-record setting. See Zack for a weekend. Friend Whittney has a beautiful new baby girl!

August 2011

Getting our groove at Mimi's house. Lincoln tries a Little Gym Class... epic fail. Chuckie Cheese. Meet up with my cheerleader girls for Suzanne's lingerie party! fab.

September 2011

Vists with Papa and Zack. Start of weight loss challenge with Mimi! Read books like no one's business. Still at Mimi's house. Stupid freaking planned parenthood disaster.

October 2011

DOULA TRAINING IN ASHEVILLE, NC! Whoop whoop! Baby free for three full days, it was rough but such an amazing break. Then spent a day and a half in Edisto Island, SC. Now visting Zack in Winston Salem for my birthday! :)

What a crazy awesome amazing year! It has absolutely flown by. I really have been dreading turning 26, its too close to 30 for comfort, but I will do a whole other blog post about why its cool to be 26! Peace out 25, you been cool.

Slightly odd and random family facts

2011-10-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Jessica

I have Ornithophobia- an abnormal, irrational fear of birds. Seagulls terrify me the worst though.
When I was 18 and got my first tattoo on a whim with my friend Melissa, I did a back handspring in the tattoo shop for the artists. I was such a show-off and a flirt.

Zack

Would have been an astrounaut in another life, he loves all things space
Is currently writing his own comic book

Lincoln

Has a third nipple, no joke, its pretty badass.
Is a little obsessed with his peepee and poopoo right now. Will compare sizes of said excrement and tell me things like, "oh, look at that one that was a daddy sized poop, oh there was the little baby sized poop"

Asher

Obsessed with all things boob shaped. He will test it out with his mouth first, always, and in public. Makes me giggle.
Thinks its funny to pull on your lips and scratch you and grab you as hard as he can with his baby talons. No joke this baby can do some damage, and he will laugh about it the whole time.

Boys and Birth

2011-09-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

              Tonight while Lincoln was in his bath he did the funniest thing, and it spurred on a blog post in my head. He was just playing around with his bath wash rag and started making this grunting face while using the rag to wash his bottom area, then he looked at me while making said noises and pulled the rag up from under the water, pulled it up on to his chest, and said "look ma, I had a baby" or something to that effect, I died laughing, needless to say. But was honestly very happy that he gets the concept of the thing, I told him that boys do not have babies and they do not come out of a butt, but other than that I let him play his little story out.Since Lincoln was almost 3 when his little brother was born, we spent some time prepping him for the arrival of the new baby. We watched birth videos together and talked about what happens, so that he would not be scared when the time came.
              See the thing is, I WANT my boys to grow up being completely comfortable around birth. If our society is EVER going to change the way we view birth- to birth WITHOUT fear- being the main goal, then we also need to help change this perspective in our men. So many men and women, really, look at birth as a scary, awkward, gross, weird, event that they would rather not even witness. But being present in that moment for your significant other, and for the new baby is so important. If my boys grow up viewing birth as natural, magical, special, life-changing, powerful, beautiful, and perfect in and of itself, then they can become the daddy-doula that his wife will some day need. He will be able to encourage her one day, and if I can help raise a few boys that see it as the way it should be, then I will have done my job to help change the world.

Check out these pics from Asher's birth last year. Lincoln's presence during my labor was so calming and helped put things into focus for me. I loved looking into his eyes and knowing I was about to give him a sibling, and that he could be there for that special moment was priceless! We should all do our part to help raise the future men of the world and encourage them to view birth as the normal process that it is!

These amazing photos were taken by Marnie Urso! Thank you again lady, I seriously look at them all the time and feel so happy! <3

The subject of parenting:

2011-09-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

I will come back to it. I am trying my hardest, and some days are wonderful and magical and some days I feel like I am in my own personal little hell. That is the honest truth, I do my best and am learning on a daily basis. The end. :)

Reasons I suck at parenting....

2011-09-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

If you go by the books, sometimes I really do just suck at being a parent. Maybe I am just having an off day and needed to vent through this blog post, but I can pin point so many wrong things I do with my parenting its not even funny. Some of them, I will defend. I do not think all of these are necessarily horrible things, but most are common parenting guidelines that are set up that I just do not have for my boys.

Well, here we go. Try not to hate me after you read this blog post.

I let my kids jump on the bed. (really, why not?)
I have a wild child, I do not reign him in. I let it blossom, and sometimes wonder if that is the worst thing I can do for him.
The thing is I am not structured AT ALL. Like no way, totally laissez faire, run free children, type of parenting. I do have some specific guideline for them to follow but find it is hard when not in our own space to stick to these guidelines, and since I struggle with the whole discipline issue I can not seem to get Lincoln to adhere to these guidelines. The biggest one being him running outside with out me knowing and being somewhere at the neighbors house before I even realize!
I sometimes laugh when Lincoln gets hurt, like if he was doing something I had just told him was not a very smart choice because he could get hurt then.... boom he gets hurt. I know, malicious, I am not making fun of him, just... well I have no explanation for this one. Just isnt very nice.
Sometimes I dont pay good enough attention to my kids, I have my head stuck in a book or am on stupid fb and realize that the reason the kids are being uber ridiculous is cause....well...I NEED TO BE PAYING BETTER ATTENTION TO THEM.
Sometimes, I use the playground as my babysitter. You gotta realize, I get NO BREAKS AT ALL, from being with my boys. I am not living with my Zack yet, so I get real tired of the constant go go go all day with them, so we go to the playground and while, yes, I am totally paying attention to Lincoln, I also can use this time to chill out and read my book or just relax.
My husband and I disagree on many aspects of our parenting together, which makes things worse.
I encourage my son to jump off the highest ring of the tower he climbed at the playground. While the other moms were freaking out when their kids jumped from halfway up the tower, I saw Lincoln climb to the very top, give me a look like he wanted to jump, and I said go for it!!! I watched him get crazy mad air, and knew yeah there is a chance he could get hurt but this boy has gotta learn not to be afraid and to take chances, and have fun, and if it hurt too much he would not do it again.
I sometimes loose my temper and react to my children with words or actions I should not. I struggle and battle with this everyday, to be the best parent I can be. To figure out just how in the hell I am really supposed to parent. I hear back and forth back and forth about how "Oh, you have to use spanking and time out because it is what gets them in line, and they will not listen to you if you dont do this", and then from others "Never ever spank a child or put them in time out it will affect them for the rest of their life and you will scar them, they will think you dont love them". Honestly battling with myself on these two its like I have multiple personality disorder and I am sure Lincoln is getting whiplash from it trying to figure out how mommy is going to react!
I do not make my kids eat their plates all clean. If he does not wanna eat it then fine, Ill save it for later.
Lincoln loves him some Mcdonalds Chicken nuggets, and I know they are horrible for him, yet I still let him eat there. Shame on me.
During my efforts to get Asher to nap twice everyday I have no idea what to do with Lincoln... so I will put on a netflix movie and he sits in the bed with us. I encourage him to play in the room but he gets bored and runs off into the house without me, and its not ok for him to do this since we are living with other family right now.
I have a temper and am pretty sure I have passed that down to Lincoln, just him watching me react to different situations if he sees me get angry at something its like he mimics me, " UGH, really!!!" I will hear him say a few hours later. Ashamed. At least its not curse words he is getting from me... He picked up a bad one from daddy though! Just from our speaker phone conversations!
Sometimes I feel like I am going to loose it and want to grab all my hair and pull it out of my head. Usually this is when both children are hanging on me and grabbing and whining at the same time. I try all I can to be lovey and show them the attention they deserve but sometimes I am just pooped out and want some ME time!
I told Lincoln it was ok for him to pee outside in the woods. I created a monster with that one, yep.
My children do not know the meaning of quiet time, no matter what I try to teach or show them. Especially in the mornings.
I am NOT a clean freak, struggle with keeping a tidy room and have inevitably passed this one down too. We do have clean up time, but Lincoln gets pissed when I start singing that song. ha
Ok, noticed almost all these pertain to my oldest, and that in itself should tell you something.

Ok, the end for now. Will add more once I can think of them or accidentally add to my list of things I suck at.

I promise I am going to do a post soon of the reasons why I RULE at parenting. LOL.

On being 9 months.

2011-09-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

If my baby could speak...... this would be his blog post update on being 9 months old.

Asher, tell us how you like being 9 months old, and what kind of things your discovering now!

Well, being 9 months is such a happy carefree time in my life. I got my momma around and I am happy boy. My big brother makes me laugh when he does silly faces at me or makes goofy noises, but sometimes he picks on me and it does not feel good, so I cry for my mommy. I just started showing two teeth sprouting through my gums (top front right, and bottom front right) on the same day, the day I turned 9 months, and BOY does it hurt. I have to constantly chew on my finger to try and ease the hurties from it. My favorite thing to do is explore all over the place, to stand up on everything, and to taste it with my mouth. I am even starting to stand up alone without holding on to anything! I also LOVE to climb some stairs, as soon as mommy isnt looking, or if she is in the potty, I am already up two or three stairs, hehehe.

Let's talk about food- well, I like to taste and try new things, but my main food is still mama milk. I have tried some things like: bananas, cucumbers, avocado, sweet potato, potatoes, apples, strawberries, watermelon, wheat toast, and cheerios. I do not eat everyday, usually only when I wanna play around with some food and soothe my gums on something! But I am growing so big and healthy just from mommy, yay! I take two regular naps throughout the day, one usually around 11 the other around 3, then bedtime at 8 and sleep till around 8 or 9 am with a few times to wake up and comfort nurse, I LOVE sleeping in between mommy and my big brother, they make me feel safe.

Other things I really LOVE right now: Uncle Z- he is just so interesting to sit and watch, the doggies, anything with water, watching and learning, and playing with my toys, and being near my mommy all the time.

I am very ticklish, especially on my chunky legs.

I do not like getting my clothes or diaper changed.

I wake up and cry a lot of times at night, probably to make up for my lack of crying during the day.

I am still a super chill little guy but I am starting to find myvoice.

I mimick the words you say to me. I like to say mama, go-go, hi, and lots of babbles!

I cant wait to walk and catch up to my big brother.

NOW FOR THE PICS! ~pEaCe OuT: *Asher baby*

Big Boy Undies!!!!

2011-09-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

I just want to (officially?) announce that Lincoln is finally a potty user. I guess 3 years, and 4 months was the perfect amount of time that my son needed to prepare himself for this event in his life. Not that everyone really cares or wants to know this, but I am proud of him. We struggled with potty using for over a year. I started too early with him and tried to insist to everyone that he was ready. But honestly I thought he was ready back then, just cause he could explain the whole thing, but he did not care to do it in practice. We tried every trick in the book! In the end it took a few good weeks of hard hard work trying to gently lead him into being diaper free. What won him over finally was when we went to target to fill a basket full of "POTTY PRIZES" and he got to pick a potty prize every time he used the bathroom. We did that for about 2 weeks, now he is doing it all on him own for the sheer joy of it. *On a side note, I am not really keen on the word potty trained, but it was more of a learning process and in the end the result it the same: I am so proud of my big boy using the potty! (I am writing this blog while he is having his morning potty time, an is announcing to me the sizes of his doos)

Babies are perfect. Keep them that way.

2011-08-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

Let me vent a little bit about circumcision.* First, why do so many parents (and I include my first time momma self with this) automatically make this decision about our sons PENIS by just agreeing with what we feel is most socially acceptable. It is his genitals for crissakes! Would we dare make a decision to alter the our baby girls genitals if they didnt look a certain way that might be more acceptable to some people? Hell no. Genital mutilation is a shame, and needs to stop everywhere. It is something that I wish every parent would look further into, and understand what the real reasons are for having this done to their son. If you are not willing to stay with your newborn son and watch them strap him down, maybe give him some tylenol, and snip off the tip of the most sensitive area on his body, then you should probably reconsider letting a doctor do it to him.

There are so many myths associated with intact penises.

Myth Vs Fact:Circumcison

Myth – Circumcising baby boys is a safe and harmless procedure.

Fact – Surgically removing part of a baby boy's penis causes pain, creates immediate health risks and can lead to serious complications. Risks include infection, hemorrhage, scarring, difficulty urinating, loss of part or all of the penis, and even death. Circumcision complications can and do occur in even the best clinical settings.

Myth – Circumcision is just a little snip.

Fact – Surgical removal of the foreskin involves immobilizing the baby by strapping him face-up onto a molded plastic board. In one common method, the doctor then inserts a metal instrument under the foreskin to forcibly separate it from the glans, slits the foreskin, and inserts a circumcision device. The foreskin is crushed and then cut off. The amount of skin removed in a typical infant circumcision is the equivalent of 15 square inches in an adult male.

Myth – Circumcision is routinely recommended and endorsed by doctors and other health professionals.

Fact – No professional medical association in the U.S. or anywhere else in the world recommends routine circumcision as medically necessary. In fact, leaving boys intact is now the norm in the U.S., with circumcision rates well below 40%.

Myth – The baby does not feel any pain during circumcision.

Fact – Circumcision is painful. Babies are sensitive to pain, just like older children and adults. The analgesics used for circumcision only decrease pain; they do not eliminate it. Further, the open wound left by the removal of the foreskin will continue to cause the baby pain and discomfort for the 7-10 days it takes to heal.

Myth – If I don't circumcise my son, he will be ridiculed.

Fact – Times have changed and so has people's understanding of circumcision. Today, although the popularity of circumcision varies across geographical areas, more than 60% of all baby boys born in the U.S. will leave the hospital intact. Most medically advanced nations do not practice child circumcision. Three quarters of the world's men are intact.

Myth – A boy should be circumcised to look like his father.

Fact – Children differ from their parents in many ways, including eye and hair color, body type, and (of course) size and sexual development. If a child asks why his penis looks different from that of his circumcised father (or brother), parents can say, "Daddy (or brother) had a part of his penis removed when he was a baby; now we know it’s not necessary and we decided not to let anyone do that to you."

Myth – Routine circumcision of baby boys cannot be compared to Female Genital Mutilation.

Fact – Rationales offered in cultures that promote female genital cutting – hygiene, disease prevention, improved appearance of the genitalia, and social acceptance – are similar to those offered in cultures that promote male circumcision. Whatever the rationale, forced removal of healthy genital tissue from any child – male or female – is unethical. Boys have the same right as girls to an intact body, and to be spared this inhumane, unnecessary surgery.

Myth – To oppose male circumcision is religious and cultural bigotry.

Fact – Many who oppose the permanent alteration of children's genitals do so because they believe in universal human rights. All children – regardless of their ethnicity or culture – have the right to be protected from bodily harm.

Myth – Circumcising newborn baby boys produces health benefits later in life.

Fact – There is NO link between circumcision and better health. In fact, cutting a baby boy's genitals creates immediate health risks. The foreskin is actually an important and functional body part, protecting the head of the penis from injury and providing moisture and lubrication. Circumcision also diminishes sexual pleasure later in life.

Myth – Male circumcision helps prevent HIV.

Fact – Claims that circumcision prevents HIV have repeatedly been proven to be exaggerated or false. Only abstinence or safe sex, including the use of condoms, can prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS.
This myth vs fact exerpt from http://blindedbythelightt.blogspot.com/p/myth-vs-factcircumcison.html

*Also, to add my own little blurp here: Many people have expressed to me their concerns over how clean it it to be uncircumcised, or intact. But let me assure you, cleaning the intact penis is just like cleaning a finger, you do not retract anything and it is just wiped clean. Personal hygiene is important for any person no matter the foreskin or lack thereof, and can be just as clean or unclean depending on the level of hygiene.

Some tidbits of Info you should know:
Here are some facts regarding circumcision that most parents are unaware of, and some websites and many physicians fail to mention:

About 117 boys die each year in the United States as a result of their circumcision, most from infections or blood loss.¹
The current U.S. circumcision rate is steadily declining. In 2010 it was 32% ². That’s a huge drop from 56% in 2006 and 65% in 2002.
Most physicians do not have their sons circumcised.³ Why not, if circumcision is medically advisable? Since most have performed the surgery as part of their training, they are the ones who should know more about its consequences than anyone else.
Contrary to frequent claims, infants do feel pain as intensely as adults, and very possibly even more. ⁴
Circumcision regularly removes a shocking 3/4 of the penis’s sensitivity through the removal of the ridged band, foreskin “lips,” and most often the entire frenulum. ⁵
Anesthesia is used in only 45% of circumcisions; the type of anesthetic varies.⁶ The most effective method does not eliminate all pain, and the most common type used, a topical creme, does almost nothing to reduce it. In fact, a major clinical test of the various types of anesthetics, on actual infants, was halted for humane reasons because of the intense pain.⁷
As adults, men circumcised in infancy are 4.5 times more likely to be diagnosed with erectile dysfunction (ED). They are also 1.6 times more likely to suffer from alexithymia, a psychological trait disorder which causes difficulty in identifying and expressing one’s emotions. ⁸
Circumcision has never been proven to be effective in either reducing or treating cervical cancer, penile cancer, urinary tract infections, or sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS. ⁹
Not one medical association in America, or anywhere else in the world, recommends infant circumcision; some even recommend against it. ¹⁰

This information has been reviewed by our panel of experts and other trusted advisors, however, it is not a substitute for professional medical, legal, or spiritual advice.

Bollinger, D. Lost Boys: An Estimate of U.S. Circumcision-Related Infant Deaths. Thymos: J Boyhood Studies, 2010;4(1), 78-90. ↩
El Bcheraoui C, Greenspan J, Kretsinger K, Chen R. Rates of selected neonatal male circumcision-associated severe adverse events in the United States, 2007-2009 (CDC). Proceedings, AIDS 2010, Vienna, Austria. 5 Aug 2010. ↩
Topp, S. (1978, January). Why not to circumcise your baby boy. Mothering, 6, 69-77. ↩
Anand KJS, for the International Evidence-Based Group for Neonatal Pain. Consensus statement for the prevention and management of pain in the newborn. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2001;155:173-80. ↩
Sorrells ML, Snyder ML, Reiss MD, Eden C, Milos MF, Wilcox N, Van Howe RS. Fine-touch pressure thresholds in the adult penis. BJU Int. 2007;99:864-9. ↩
Stang HJ, Snellman LW. Circumcision Practice Patterns in the United States. Pediatrics. 1998;101(6):e5. ↩
Lander J, Brady-Fryer B, Metcalfe JB, Nazarali S, Muttitt S. Comparison of ring block, dorsal penile nerve block, and topical anesthesia for neonatal circumcision. JAMA. 1997;278:2158-62. ↩
Bollinger, D., Van Howe, R. S. (2010). Alexithymia and Circumcision Trauma: A Preliminary Investigation (in press). ↩
Van Howe RS. A cost-utility analysis of neonatal circumcision. Med Decis Making. 2004;24:584-601. ↩
CIRP. Medical organization official policy statements. Available online at: http://www.cirp.org/library/statements/ ↩

*And lastly, if you have the guts, watch this video. It is nitty gritty, gets down to the core of the issue, and very profane. But its good and very informative. *

http://www.videobb.com/watch_video.php?v=vF6plsoKFocM

Think before you make this decision for your baby boy. He was born perfect, why would you change that?

Boys, slow down!

2011-08-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

This time period in my life I will remember forever. It has been extremely challenging, but rewarding at the same time. Not being near Zack, being more broke then ever before, having no house no place to call my own, and so many other worries that honestly I do not want to dwell on right now. But this uninterrupted time with my boys is priceless. I am probably taking it for granted that I am able to be home with them, but hearing them both snoring next to me now makes me smile and feel happy. Happiness seems few and far between these days, but I am working on it.

Lincoln

Lincoln practicing his ring bearing. Photo by Amanda Kirk.

A few months later, at Mimis house

I just can not get down how to parent my 3 year old. I KNOW how to parent a newborn/baby, Attachment Parenting works for them so easy, you just respond to their needs, but it is such a different story with a toddler. Or, maybe it is just his specific personality. He is energetic, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, and loves attention. It makes for a hard combination.So, I am doing what I can. Trying to be consistent. Trying to be firm and at the same time show him I love him. I see so many women able to never yell, spank, or punish thier children. I strive to be like that, but in all honesty it is a tough battle. The kid will not, and I mean NOT respond to my gentle parenting, even a stern voice, or me trying to bargain or reason with him.... NOPE! So this is my current battle with my blondie boy. This, and the potty using, which I fear will not be happening anytime soon despite my efforts.
Today we went to target and got a bunch of $1 toys and books and are putting together "potty prizes" yay! lol, My whole thinking on the reason he is 3.5 years old and nowhere close to potty trained is 1.) He loves the attention I have to give him when it is time for a diaper change. 2.) I think he actually likes the feeling of poop all squished up on his ass. 3.) Maybe he has like poop seperation anxiety or something, who knows?
This boy can show some love, though. Gah, he can hug and kiss you and make you feel all warm and fuzzy and it makes up for all the frustration I have been feeling with him lately.
He is so smart, remembering things by picture and his vocabulary is increasing everyday.
He really enjoys running. Loves being outdoors and playing with the dogs, or some frogs.
Lincoln also likes watching hims some Veggie Tales, when mama needs to get a shower in or wants to just chill for a little bit, ya know.
I think he is/would be ready for school, if only he could get the potty thing down. Mentally I feel he is ready, and it would be good for him to be around some other kids, see how they are listening and obeying the teachers and also how they use the potty.
I think he weighs about 32 lbs now, but he looks so skinny...with abs.
Some things he says alot right now, "are you mine?", while pretending to hold a phone up, "daddy, your on speaker phone, dont talk like that, alright, ok!", "mommy, your my son". He says "this is ridicurous", or im terrifying, starting to use big descriptive words... and pick up on some not so good words. Yikes, gotta really really watch what we say around him right now.
Loves playing hi ho cherry oh, go fish, and matching games with me now
Sees the neighbor girls at Mimis house and says" I see my gerwls!" Loves playing with other kids his age, just hasnt had much opportunity to do it very often lately.

Asher

Sweet 8 month old. At Mimi's house

beautiful picture from my sister's wedding. Photo by Amanda Kirk

Asher is about 19 lbs right now. He is crazy chunky, and oh so delicious!
My sweet little hippy quiet baby is starting to get his personality. He gets mad when Lincoln takes a toy from him, and will let out a wail. He is still so studious and attentive but is definitely more charismatic when it comes to some things.
He has had an on again off again rash for the past three months. It got so bad we had to take him to urgent care since it was bleeding profusely.
He has tried alot of different solids and will nosh and gum them but for the most part this boy really just loves loves loves his momma milk.
Falls asleep pretty well, but still shuffles and moves alot in his sleep...waking himself up and crying.
In the middle of switching him to cloth diapers, once we have moved fully we will start it full time. Thanks Atije I cant wait to try them out on him!
This is definitely in an oral stage, everything goes into the mouth! Everything he can pick up he tries to eat.
He giggles and gets so excited to see Lincoln, its the best seeing the brothers together.

Boys! You are growing so fast, and getting so big.... slow down please, so I can remember it all.

It's Mama's Milk Week!

2011-08-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

Asher has been exclusively nursing now for almost 8 months, and it was been quite an adventurous journey. Looking back I am astonished I have got this far. I set my mind to it extended breastfeeding this time around, and the way things are going I do not see the end in sight anytime soon, and I am totally cool with that. Four months ago, my perspective was completely different. Asher struggled with latching for months and months. I pumped everyday all the time off my left side to keep production up. It was rough. He finally got bigger and perfected his latch. Now it seems like those tough days were eons ago, but honestly I wasn't sure I could get through it. With the support of the local Le Leche League groups and many different conversations with lactation consultants and midwives we perfected our struggle for successful breastfeeding, and to this day things are running smoothly. Asher finally started gaining and getting very chunky, and I am so proud of him, and yes...of me as well.
Lincoln nursed with supplementation for ten and a half months, and I am so happy I got that time with him.

It was a personal goal of mine to breastfeed this long (and longer) with Asher and any successive children that we have. I will cherish these days for the rest of my life. The bond that is forged through nursing is awesome, and the benefits are amazing (this is an entire other post in itself). I love my little chunk.

Breastfeeding is not always the easiest of choices(it can come with its difficulties-finding support from others is the best thing you can do), but it is always the best choice for your baby.
Here are some great resources on breastfeeding to check out:
http://blindedbythelightt.blogspot.com/2011/08/why-you-should-care-that-its-national.html
http://mamasandbabies.blogspot.com/2010/05/articles-about-breastfeeding.html
http://mothering.com/all-things-mothering/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-101-beating-the-booby-traps

An ordinary day in the life of.....

2011-07-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

Its morning time. We all woke up around 8:30

The boys played in the room, but I was still very sleepy so I rested for a while longer.

Trust me, I did this like 5 other times during the day. This is the only picture I took.

Hey, I had to take a shower. Veggie Tales it is.

Yay! Outside time!!!

Lincoln playing with the froggies.

We went to the neighbors to see the chickens. They scared the crap out of us at the end, watch this video.

Lunch Time.

Cool new play-doh set!

Nap and a movie.

Who can guess what that is I am about to put on his butt? Here is a hint, I think he has a yeast infection.

Love this picture.

Lincoln played superhero for a little while. He would jump off the bed and fly in the air!

Reading our books before bedtime. We read four every night and he gets to pick out which four.

We had a wonderful, ordinary day. I am not a structured kind of woman (except for our bedtimes, those are very regular now). I like to go with the flow, learning with everything we do for the day. I am so happy that I have this time with my boys and I will never forget it, because I know I will not be able to stay home with them forever. Even though we are not in "our" home. We are a family here. The boys and I miss Zack and talk everyday about trying to find a home in winston-salem so we can all four be living together again.

I love seeing Lincoln's sense of adventure and amazement with the world, and how Asher just watches his brother in everything. Love these boys, loved this day.

Swimming Summer

2011-07-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

We have had a super fun summer so far, with lots and lots of swimming being done. Lincoln is becoming quite a pro in the water, and Asher just loves to splash around. Check out all the swimming we have done so far, and summer is only half-way through!

Accidental first food!

2011-06-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

Asher just accidentally tried his first food! A strawberry. I gave him one to gum on to soothe his toofers, and he figured out how to nosh a chunk off it!!!! :) He was pleasantly surprised, and so was I. Pics coming soon. Asher is 6 months and two weeks old, and is quite a little chunky monkey living off breastmilk alone. Excited for this new chapter in his life...introducing solids, but we are going to take it slow. He is doing just fine on his own.

My sister, the bride.

2011-06-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

My beautiful sister, Katie, got married last weekend. It was such a fun, gorgeous wedding. I am over the top proud of my little sis.

I knew I would cry during the wedding. Seeing her walk down the aisle. Seeing my dad give her away to be married. But I did not know that I would feel so completely emotionally connected with my sister on that day. Literally every time she shed a tear I was there crying too. Before the wedding, I could sense when she was getting overwhelmed or anxious, and I was there to help calm her down. It was a special day for me too. Being that rock for her on the day that would change her life forever. I will never forget it.

I am so happy that she got this wedding. It was so perfect for her. It was all I envisioned she should have on her big day marrying the man of her dreams. I had some moments that were especially hard for me. I did not have a wedding of my own, per say. I just got married in the mayors office, which is fine. I did not have my dad there to lift my veil and give me away. I did not have all my brothers and sisters and close family present to be there an support me. All these decisions were mine, and I can not go back in time to change them. But I will cherish this day that Katie had. She is my sister, and she deserves the best..... And she got it!

I wanna thank all the family that helped katie have her special day! Kate, Dad and Mom, All the grandparents that pitched in here and there. You guys rock! Can not believe my little sister is a wife, now. WHEW!

North Carolinians again!

2011-06-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

We are back in the good ole state of NC. It feels weird right now, probably because I am still on vacation in the outer banks, but to know I am not returning to live in my home in Ohio is such a strange feeling. I am sad, but excited for the future and something new in our lives.

I cried for a good two hours straight on my drive down here. Sobbed into my pillow, literally. I guess it was just so final, and so difficult to say goodbye to the house that means so much to me. I have lived there for 6 years just about, and my memories in that house will be with me forever.

Shameful Admissions #4

2011-05-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

I need a man around this house.

Well, not just any man, but my man. My husband. I guess never realized how much help it is to have a man in your life. Since he has been gone I realized I have to mow the lawn, I have to fix the appliances, I have to kill the spiders, I have to be the one to check on the scary noise outside that the dogs are barking at in the middle of the night.... and so many other things that I am just not doing because I am already taking care of a toddler, an infant, and two crazy dogs while attempting to keep the house clean and start the packing for our move.

Whew, I miss having Zack around.

My body

2011-05-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

A silly video of Lincoln blowing raspberries on my tummy.

antithesis

I am large in my skin
I make no apology
This belly grew three babies
Why should it be flat?
It curves with the memory of the womb.
These breasts fed three babies
Why should they be pert?
They swell with the memory of milk.
These hips carried three children
Why should they be slim?
They are full with the memory of life.
My bones are secret under flesh
My skin plump and white and fine
Mine is the face of Botticelli
Mine is the water of the Nile
Mine is the shape of things forbidden
Daughter of Gaia, grown beautiful and wild.

~Lorri Barrier

A poem I found that applies oh so well to me. I love it. I wish I could love myself but I do not know I will ever get to that point. I appreciate the good and the bad and how much my body can do. How many people can say they have grown babies and fed them all with their body. No man, that's for sure, so how can they truly appreciate our bodies like they should be viewed? Most of us are not skinny supermodels with "flawless" skin. We have battle scars; birth scars. I sure as hell would take them all on again for my boys.

I just wish there was a society that looked at a woman with a body like mine, and so many mothers that I know, and truly truly loved it because.... DAMN, LOOK WHAT THAT BODY CAN/DID DO!

while pregnant/in labor

I breast feed. I have now for a total of about 17 months between my two children. I plan to continue for as long as my baby needs.

My breast fed baby is strong now, and healthy. He is getting chunkier and chubbier and growing so well.

I have carried 2 babies, I have stretched and shrunk and stretched and shrunk. I have had a c-section which dramatically changed the shape of my stomach.

This post was inspired by this post: http://www.drmomma.org/2011/05/birthmarks.html

(I guess it is a good thing not to many ppl read my blog, I am self conscious to post these pictures, but I am doing it because I want to get over it! And just because I am learning to appreciate my body does not mean I am not trying to lose weight, which I am but it is a slow process!!!)

2011-05-19T16:59:00.001-07:00

Asher sat up by hisself today. He wobbles and doesnt last super long but its a start.

LA got a new haircut!

2011-05-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Ch-ch-check it out.
Before

During

After

What do you think? It has taken me awhile to get used to it, but it is starting to really suit him and it looks great. :)

Lincoln-isms

2011-05-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Lincoln: "Mom, Im starting to worry about you."
Me: "Really, and why is that?"
Lincoln: "Well, cause, Im getting old."

Hahahaha makes no sense but it was so grown up and hilarious hearing my almost 3 year old tell me why he was worried about me. All prompted because I was frantically searching the house for something.

Lincoln seems to be missing the concept of potty training. I told him it doesnt count when you poop on the living room floor then pick it up with your hands to put it in the potty! YUCK what a mess that was.

Lincoln took a brush to my hair the other day, and for the first time unprompted he told me: "mommy, your booootiful". ~Heart totally melted.

He runs around shaking his fist in the air saying, "our battle will be lebendaiwy (ledgendary)" It's from Kung Fu Panda, the best cartoon movie ever.

He pronounces words amazingly and has such great grammar, but all his V's are pronounced as B's and itsthe cutest thing ever: I lub you foreber, be bery bery gentle (with baby Asher), Treber (Sarah's new boyfriend), I neber eat those gumballs, mommy-i hab to go outside and play.

I attempted to give Lincoln some breastmilk in a cup, since we were all sick last month and I wanted to give him some of the good antibodies that come with my milk.... after he drank the whole cup he looked up at me and said, "mom, where did this milk come from?" haha i guess he could taste the difference. :)

Lincoln says the other morning, "I yike cimanim rolls, they are yummy and they're tasty"

Story of my life

2011-05-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

I get it from all sides. The questioning of why I do what I do with my boys. I have my reasons, and really I do not have to explain them to anyone, but I raise my boys based on what I believe is best for them, and what research tells me will help them grow up into their independence. I KNOW I am daily trying to do what is best for my boys. I am learning everyday how to handle the challenges of a toddler who is very determined, strong-willed, fun, adventurous, and o-so lovey. I do believe if I would have practiced more AP principles with Lincoln as a new baby, or even had a different birth, he might be a different person today. Also, its just plain personality. Asher is a super chill, happy, overall amazingly good baby. I have always co-slept with him, breastfeed him exclusively, wear him in my sling alot or just hold him in my arms, and have never let him just cry it out.

I don't know. What do you think? Is it just coincidence that my children's behaviors are so opposite?

You got a friend in me

2011-05-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

Lincoln and his bestest friend in the world, Bella!

They have been good friends for almost a year now. He sure is gonna miss seeing her every week when we move! And I am going to miss watching her!

Shameful Admissions #3

2011-04-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have a more positive self-image when I am pregnant, especially big and full and pregnant. I feel like my body has a purpose and it is beautiful being all round and buddha like, cause I am totally growing another human being in there.

But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.

Pretty sure words are not needed for this one...

2011-04-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

Asher's first hospital experience

2011-04-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write all about my time in the hospital with Asher. It was such an incredibly scary time. I felt alone, and helpless. Asher developed RSV, an infection in his lower respiratory tract, with inflammation in the bronchioles. It is pretty common, about 50%, for children to get, but usually presents itself like a cold, that can develop into ear infections or pneumonia. It can get serious when the baby is younger than 6 months because it is just hard on their little lungs to take.

Zack was in NC and had just started his new job on monday 4/4/11. I had class that day and went despite my gut instinct telling me not to. All three of us in the house, Lincoln, Asher and I were sick. All having really yucky coughs with lots of mucous, hard time breathing. I was getting dizzy spells, and almost passing out. Asher was getting high fevers, and both boys had diarrhea. I thought it was just a hardcore cold, but my grandma was admitted to the hospital for pnuemonia and she had watched the boys for me the week before, and I was scared at that point that we might have something that developed into pnuemonia as well. SO despite the fact that we have no insurance, or money at the present moment, I told myself that if we were still bad tomorrow then I will take the boys in to the doctor or hospital.

Tuesday: 4/5/11: Wake up and the boys were bad, real bad. Asher kept choking on his mucous and was having a hard time breathing, and it scared the shit out of me! Lincoln would act fine, running around like the toddler he is, but then he was sleeping alot and I knew he was not feeling well. We headed to the hospital after getting some facebook advice from some friends. We got to Cuyahoga Falls general hospital around 12 noon and did not get really seen and checked out for 4 hours! 4 HOURS! With a sick newborn and toddler. GAH I was furious, they werent that crazy busy either. It was another hour and a half in the exam rooms. Doing tests. Lincoln fell asleep on the table in there. They determined he just had an ear infection. But they were worried about Asher, he had really low oxygen saturation levels and had not had a wet diaper all day. He was also extremely tired and would not really wake for us. They wanted me to take him to Akron Children's hospital, and wanted him to stay on oxygen the whole time, so we had to take an ambulance!

It was my first time in an ambulance. I really never thought it would be with my 3 month old.

Long story short. I had to spend the next two nights there, I did not leave until thursday. I hardly slept at all. The little couch bed was uncomfortable and hearing baby cries all night, as well as the beeps of Asher's machines. I am glad I had my computer with me to give me sanity. I missed Lincoln so much, and am beyond thankful to my uncle john and family that they took Lincoln for that whole time to help me out!

Sent this picture to Zack, and it made him tear up, it was hard for him not being here with his son!

He was on IV fluids for a day and a half and they were able to wean him wed night, and the oxygen till thursday morning.

Thursday, with oxygen turned off and all the wires and crap off him. He seems alot happier!

I am glad we are home, and they boys are all feeling better. I am so thankful to the awesome nurse stephanie we had, she made our experience so much better, because I really saw that she cared for Asher and it made all the difference. I am also so so thankful and happy for my friends and family who supported me and helped with Lincoln while I was here at the hospital going through this alone. It was hard, but I am glad Asher was young enough he will not remember his first time in the hospital. ever.

2011-03-31T11:20:00.001-07:00

Im laying here right next to lincoln, my almost three year old. Just trying to snuggle him for nap time. He can be such a sweet boy!

The Big Move.

2011-03-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ohio vs NC

I have been asked many times by my friends and family why we are currently trying to move back to NC. I thought it would only be appropriate to dedicate a blog post to it, and set out some reasons we have discussed that are leading us to the south again.

Our dogs are becoming pansy little wimp dogs who just want to prance around in the house and avoid playing outdoors at all costs. I guess that happens when your cooped up inside a house for months at a time, and when the backyard is so teeny tiny they have to run around in circles to get any exercise. They lazy dogs have even resorted to POOPING on the back deck, cause god-forbid they get snow on their precious little (big) dog bellies! Here is a picture of the little brats/sometimes angels (but mostly brats):

Tosko Abby

        2. Do I really even need to mention the weather?
           Not only the weather, but also the scenery. There is no comparison, the part of Ohio we live in is drab and dull for almost 4 or 5 months of the year. I live in the city in a neighborhood with out much nature or beauty surrounding us. We crave the beauty of NC again. To have a house with a yard for the kids to play, and for us all to be able to enjoy more days outdoors, not bundled up in layer for fear of frostbite every time you walk to the car. Here is a good comparison, the same time frame, outside our house now, and outside Zack's moms house:
                                                                                 NC

Ohio (same month)

Don't get me wrong, Ohio does have it's beautiful areas, and times of the year. Perfect for visiting. I just think NC is gorgeous, especially near the mountains. Ahhh, just thinking of Boone makes me smile.

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul." -John Muir

        3. Family/Friends. While we have great friends and family in both places, we have some wonderful people in NC who miss us dearly, as we do them, and it would be nice for Zack's side of the family to see our kids more often. (Both his brother's live down there, his parents as well) I will dreadfully miss my family here in Ohio, and my best friends and all my mama friends up here!!!!!!
        4. A chance at a change, to start all over. And really change is good! We came here to Ohio at 19 years old and settled down, we have been in the same place-same jobs same house for this whole time, never meaning for that to happen. We just got stuck. So we took the plunge (well Zack did, by quitting his job last month) hoping that something good is going to come when you flip your world upside down.
        5. Southern Hospitality: Sweet tea, yes sirs and no mams, bojangles, four wheeling, fresh air, mountains, oceans, and just good ole southern charm. Can't beat it.
        6. NC is where our hearts seem to be, we have longed for it for so long. And really I know home is where the heart is. :)

Excuse this house

2011-03-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors
I should apologize, I guess
For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with my child
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
His eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.

-Author Unknown

I pretty much live by this quote. Hehehe.

Our thoughts on homebirth 3 months postpartum

2011-03-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

I wanted to reflect on my thoughts about homebirth 3 months postpartum. Have I changed my mind about it at all? Would I still choose to labor and birth at home if I could go back in time? Read on....

I loved everything about being able to labor and birth in my own home. I felt safe and I loved. I knew that I was doing the best thing for my baby. To be born into a peaceful environment, without the influence of drugs, and into the arms of people who love you. What could be better? Everything about my birth is reflected into Asher's little personality. He is such a loving, sweet sweet little guy. Peaceful and calm until he is hungry. Loves being in my arms and just looking up into my eyes. He is just such an all natural little baby, intact, and growing up on just my breastmilk. It all stems from just being informed on the best things for my baby. I only wish I would have been smart enough to make these decisions with my first, and I will forever live with the "mistakes" I have made (and both my son and I have the scars to prove it). I have grown from them and vowed to do things different with my second.
If you have the right people surrounding you, a knowledgeable midwife, a helpful doula, loving family and/or friends, and you are a healthy woman with lots of information about birth, then I think homebirth is the best option for you, I know it was for me. I was saying with in days of the birth that I would do it again, all because of that release of hormones that make you feel strong and amazing! I felt like a superwoman/superhero for weeks, and still do. I could take on the world if it meant saving my family.

Here are my boys, just hours after Asher's birth. Asleep in their own home. Asher hasn't had any pokes or prodes. No unnecessary injections or blood drawn. No strange people handling him, or bright lights blinding him. Just family and friends, and love, love, love.

My Hubby's POV:
From the hubby's point of view i would from now on always do a homebirth. Being able to enjoy a birth from the comfort of your own home is a blessing and will always be the preferred method from my family from now on. I felt it was just as safe, if not safer than being in a hospital. I felt so much relief when my boy was born into our arms. I loved helping Jess through her contractions while she was in labor, it was awesome, I felt like I was participating and able to help somehow.

Growing boy 1,2,3

2011-03-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

1 month:

2 months:

3 months:

Can't believe Asher is already 3 months old. I have not been journaling much at home, so I am trying to keep up with the blog. I just got to spend a wonderful 6 days of one on one time with Asher. It was so nice to build that relationship with him, but man I really really missed Lincoln and never want to be away from him for that long again. Asher is always talking to us, cooing and trying really hard to mimic our sounds. He is an avid bubble blower, and he sleeps like nobody's business. What a great great baby he has been. Such an awesome addition to the Pace family, and exactly what we needed.

March 2011 Goals

2011-03-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

March 2011 Goals

Lose another 10 lbs (Zack)

Work out at least 3 times a week (Jess)
Find a security job in NC. Not retail. (Zack)
Stick to the 30 day challenge for the month of March, no fast food or soda!
Get a B on a Patho test
Get that sweet baby boy Asher latched on the stupid left side boob, dangit.
Work with Lincoln on his colors, and do at least on sit down teaching session a day for 30 minutes, whether it be his ABCs, colors, writing, puzzles, or just learning about the way something works.
Get Lincoln to sleep in his own toddler bed in our room!
Apply for scholarships, and send in application for the doula workshop in july :)

Review of

February 2011 Goals

Family goals for the month of February, 2011:

~~Read one book off my list of required reading towards becoming a doula. First one on the list is The Birth Partner. (Jess)~~ Awesome book! Ive started on 2 more books for the doula workshop
~~Buy Browns Seasons Tickets (Zack)~~ Put a down payment on em!
Start a chore chart for Lincoln epic fail. didnt even attempt this
~~Go outside and make snow angels, and take pictures~~ Succesfully took pics in snow, but no snow angels tho
~~Take at least 200 pictures this month- you really can never take enough when you have little ones growing so fast!!!~~
~~Lose another 10 lbs (Zack)~~
Start working out (Jess) does once count?
Get a grade of at least a B on a Patho test seriously, patho will be the death of me
Try out a toddler gymnastics class at Flytz gym went to sign him up and they were closed
Start on Lincoln's 3 year video for his birthday didnt do it at all
Get Asher to latch on my left side almost did, he latched a few times. He still hates it tho.
~~Get Asher's weight up to at least 10 lbs (eat, baby, eat)~~ Yay, my boy is starting to chub up!! :)
~~Work on cleaning as I go, get better at being a "house-wife" (Jess)~~ Always can work on this tho

Gettting to know baby Asher

2011-02-19T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Asher Orion Pace. I am now 10 weeks old :) I am starting to really grow these days. Not sure how much I weigh exactly but I think its somewhere around 9.5 lbs or so. (I am still a tiny little peanut)

I really enjoy drinking mama's milk, its probably my favorite pastime. I am a very happy, chilled out little guy mostly all the time. I only get upset when my tummy tells me I am hungry, but I still do not like to scream and cry very often. I only have to make little complainy noises and my mommy (or daddy) comes to the rescue.

Milk coma. :) I love to fall asleep in my mommy and daddy's arms. It makes me feel secure and warm.

I still fit in my newborn size clothes, but I am starting to be able to wear 0-3 months size. I look so cute in my sweet baby boy clothes :)

I really like being the little brother to Lincoln. He talks to me alot and tries to make me smile. Hearing daddy's voice also makes me smile, I feel happy when I see daddy.

Mommy takes lots of pictures of me.

I sleep in a bassinet most nights next to mommy. But usually end up in the bed with mommy, daddy and Lincoln because mommy falls asleep while feeding me. (I will sleep next to them full time when I am a little bigger, and won't get squished by my big brother)

I am really good at lifting my head up. I am really curious about the world around me, and just love to see pretty colors and lights.

My skin is sensitive. My favorite time is at night when mommy puts burt's bees apricot oil on my belly and gives me nice massages.

Being born in the winter is really cool, but you gotta stay bundled up when you go out, that's for sure. I prefer my warm baby bear suit. It is very very soft.

I really enjoy having my paci in my mouth, it helps soothe me, and almost always helps me fall asleep. I like to have something to suck on even when I am not hungry sometimes.

I love to talk alot, I coo and giggle, and its the sweetest thing ever, and it will melt your heart. I also started blowing bubbles out of my mouth, and I slobber everywhere. Time to start wearing bibs, I think. :)

Shameful Admissions #2

2011-02-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

Today: Sunday the 13th of February, 2011 I vacuumed for the first time since Asher was born. Yes, he is 9 weeks old. Yes, I am cowering in shame at this-but I swear I heard somewhere that the sound decibel from vacuums can hurt newborns ears. So yeah, I just didnt do it...until now. Start throwing the stones at any moment.

Real MOM moments....

2011-02-09T16:03:00.000-08:00

You know you've really made it to mom-dom when:
~ You find your self humming tunes to your kids favorite shows, even when your out by yourself. "We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah, lo hicimos, we did it"

~When you go shopping for yourself and you come back with clothes for the kids instead.
~You can fully understand your toddlers ramblings and translate to strangers. How did they not understand what he just said?
~The smell of a newborn is intoxicating to you, and instantly makes your ovaries ache :)

Ok, ladies, what are some of your mom moments????

Thought this would be fun.

February 2011 Goals

2011-02-04T20:35:00.000-08:00

Family goals for the month of February, 2011:

Read one book off my list of required reading towards becoming a doula. First one on the list is The Birth Partner. (Jess)
Buy Browns Seasons Tickets (Zack)
Start a chore chart for Lincoln
Go outside and make snow angels, and take pictures
Take at least 200 pictures this month- you really can never take enough when you have little ones growing so fast!!!
Lose another 10 lbs (Zack)
Start working out (Jess)
Get a grade of at least a B on a Patho test
Try out a toddler gymnastics class at Flytz gym
Start on Lincoln's 3 year video for his birthday
Get Asher to latch on my left side
Get Asher's weight up to at least 10 lbs (eat, baby, eat)
Work on cleaning as I go, get better at being a "house-wife" (Jess)

Ok, thats enough for one month. Hope to report in next month to see how we did on our goals. Keep me accountable people!!!!

a sweet moment.

2011-02-03T21:18:00.000-08:00

A sweet, sweet moment. Caught. :) I want to remember how beautiful and precious and perfect my little boy felt in my arms at that moment. Snuggling with mommy as close as possible. Love love love.

Shameful Admissions #1

2011-01-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

Its January 28th, and yes... we still have the Christmas tree up.

Can I just say its because I need the light at night when I am up with the baby? :)

Cherish. Every. Moment.

2011-01-14T21:20:00.000-08:00

Loving every second with my boys

Wearing baby.

Feeding baby-the best way I know how


Aunt Nana holding Asher for the first time!

First time leaving the house, 6 days old

First night together. On the futon where Asher was born

First family of four Christmas pic

Asher's 1st Christmas

Nana and mommy giving him a sponge bath


Making Christmas cookies with my toddler for santa

adding sprinkles!

First smile caught. 2 weeks.

getting foot prints

daddy toes, just like Lincoln too

What I love about this moment in time right now:

Snuggling Lincoln before naps and bedtime, its our special time together. Reading books and looking at pictures till he falls asleep.
Holding my newborn close, all the time (and wearing him in my sling and wraps).
The intoxicating smell of Asher, our newborn (now 5 weeks). Its his sweet booby milk breath :)
The silly grunting noises Asher makes
Lincolns silly licking sprees, its a sign of infection. I think he picked it up from the dogs :)
When Lincoln says "I hold you" or "I love you too more"
Seeing my hubby and my two boys all sleeping in the bed, while I am pumping. Its so sweet. They all snore. HA
How Asher's eyes get real big when I talk to him. Its the surprised look, so cute.
Lincoln's love for all things spiderman, toy story, and cars
The silly faces my boys can make. They are just like their father.
Trying to get used to having two boys, going out by myself-whew its hard.
Nursing Asher, and Lincoln coming up asking for some mommy milk
Lincoln giving Asher sweet kisses and rubbing his crazy hair.
The look of Ashers hair after a bath-HAHA it sticks straight up like he got shocked
How happy and content I feel with my family, and the love we have for each other

A tribute to.... the butt chin!

2011-01-07T14:09:00.001-08:00

So I wanted to pay tribute to one of the greatest features ever. The butt chin/cleft chin. Our new son, Asher was born with a very prominent awesome butt chin, just like his father. So let's take a look at some of the badass people with butt chins. They include many handsome actors, two james bonds, famous singers and rappers, action figures, superheroes, and even albert einstein! Rock that butt chin, little dude! My handsome baby boy. :)

Asher's dad:

I thought it was time for a fun, silly post. Can you think of any other famous people who rock the butt chin?

The Birth of Asher Orion

2011-01-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the story about the tortoise and the hare? Well, that's how I kinda felt during my labor. SLOW and steady wins the race. I kept telling myself that, because I knew I was in for a long, slow going labor, and it was up to me to just persevere in order to have this baby at home like I wanted. And boy, did I want this home birth so bad, I have been obsessed about trying for a vbac for two years-since the c-sec hospital birth of my first son, Lincoln, which literally left me scarred and damaged. Here is my story:

My birth story really begins on tuesday night- December 7th.
I took my final exam for my first semester of nursing school that day. My midwife, Nicole, told me not to worry... that the baby would know how much I needed to get that test out of the way before giving birth. And that's exactly what happened. I began having period-like cramps right after the test, but thought nothing of it. I went to the mall with my friend and my 2 year old, just to keep busy, and to WALK WALK WALK and try to get labor moving. But, nothing happened. Just some light period cramps here and there. I went to bed after being up to late and doing way too much.
Wednesday- Woke up at 430 am, feeling the first contractions. They were seriously not bad, but enough to wake me during them, I got up.... took a shower, and facebooked "its a beautiful day" then woke my hubby to tell him the contractions were kinda constant, but not that strong. I wasn't sure if he wanted to take the day off or not, BUT I am so glad he did. It was great to have him here with Lincoln while I did my own thing. All DAY WEDNESDAY was like this- contractions 15 mins apart, enough to stop me in my tracks during, but I was able to move around and laugh in between. I walked back and forth in front of my house like a maniac. I tried to nap with my son, but laying down intensified the pain. When I actually layed down and tried to time the rushes, I felt them coming now about 8 mins apart. Which was a good sign! I still didn't want to tell the whole family about it yet, since Nicole(the midwife) had told me labor might be long, and my biggest goal is not to get over excited and use up all my energy. So we waited to tell anyone. I labored all day in my home, but was getting antsy. So the three of us took our last trip out- to target. I was walking around pretty well. Trying to get things moving. I had to stop three of four times while shopping. Zack sent me up front to grab Lincoln some breadsticks from the Pizza Hut area, since we were cooking super spicy beef stew at home (Zacks idea to speed up my labor, and Lincoln wouldn't eat it) Anyways, on my way back from grabbing Lincoln some food I felt a super strong one coming on, It stopped me dead in my tracks and I almost dropped the food. I couldn't move, I just looked Zack in the eyes, it was exciting, I knew labor was really coming on, and it was all up to me now to STAY CALM and FOCUSED! We got home, ate the super spicy beef stew, which I sorely regretted later on, but yes it did get my labor pumping a little bit more I would say, only because it kept me on the toilet constantly.

Thursday- It was now thursday, I was up all night, I TRIED to sleep in between contractions, but that is easier said then done, It actually was super painful to lay down, so when I kept moving I could ease and wiggle around once a rush was coming. Needless to say things got more hardcore during the night time. I had to moan and pant during the contractions now. I called Nicole to tell her things were coming faster now. She kept asking if I wanted her to come, but I was not quite ready. Until I took my bath at about 3 in the morning. I layed on my side so my tummy was all in the water, and once the contraction came it was stronger then ever before. Zack was in the next room trying to rest, and he came in the bathroom laughing-he said my noises scared the crap out of him. I sounded like a ghost moaning lol. So that made me laugh so hard, and I tried not to make that noise anymore since it just made me giggle. :) Our doula/midwife in training-Jess Brown made her way over-it was like 430 in the morning or so I believe. She was such a god-send! Zack went back to bed, and she helped me figure out how to get through each contraction. She kept my head on straight, and helped me focus and put things into perspective. I am very grateful for her, and would recommend everyone have a doula for their birth! I wasn't going to have any internal exams, but we wanted to get a time estimate-approximately as to when I should actually call my "team" aka: The midwife, my friend to watch Lincoln, our photographer Marnie, and my mom. She checked me around 8 am I think, and I was about 3-4 centimeters, which to me was awesome because I never even got there with my first birth. I was happy about the progress but didn't want it to stop! I took a bath, and was started talking about setting up the birth pool! YAY! I called Marnie, the photographer, who was awesome by the way. She came to the house sometime between 1230 and 130 I think. My friend Heather came around 130 too and layed down my son for his afternoon nap. Time after this point was a blur. The birth pool was AMAZING, too amazing actually. It calmed me to the point that my contractions slowed. I fell asleep in the pool, which was a nice break, but I didn't want my labor to stop after all the hard work I had put in. So I got out and GOT WALKING! I called my sis in NC, and I just walked back and forth again in front of the house in all the snow. Neighbors probably thought I was nuts. But that got things speeding up a little bit. I ate some peanut butter and tried to snack on some things, I don't even remember now at this point.

I noticed that the flowers we got from my baby shower were blooming on this day, and I knew today was the day. I focused on that flower alot during my labor, and I said to myself alot to "open" just like the flower was doing. Jess Brown and Marnie were amazing. They just seemed to know what I needed and helped me through every contraction. Marnie gave me the most awesome foot massage that I really really needed! At some point I must of hit transition, I just don't know when that was. Things progressively got harder and faster, and I got louder and more uncomfortable-but never really in "pain". My mom came by later in the afternoon/evening. Do not recall when. She helped but had this constant look of "worry" on her face, it was hard to see her daughter go through labor I guess, lol.
I had originally always pictured giving birth in the pool, but that didn't work out. When I finally felt the urge to push, it was about 730/8 pm on thursday night and I just wanted to sit on the toilet. I felt like the baby was SERIOUSLY GOING TO COME OUT OF MY BUTT! That was where all the pressure was, ugh. Stupid spicy beef stew/hemorrhoids. So I pushed with the contractions. Its not as easy as people made it sound. All the "oh, this part feels good" "Pushing is constructive, its the easy part" HELL NO! Pushing was INTENSE, and by intense I mean, not good, hurt, going to come out of the butt, whats going on. I tried every position you could think of. I was even crawling back and forth, butt naked around the kids playroom, lol. I pushed in the birth pool for a while, with my hubby behind me putting the hot towel on my rectum as I pushed. Lincoln came in during that part and said, "Daddy, you wiping mommy's butt?" HAHAHAHA. I didn't laugh then, but now its funny. I pushed on the little push chair Nicole brought. I pushed standing up holding onto the door frames. Finally 3.5 hours later or something like that (dang, was it really that long? Sorry guys) I felt the baby crowing and the burning. I was on hands and knees position on the futon. Everytime I pushed everyone was cheering me on and shouting, "ooooh there is the head its so close keep pushing its right there", but then it would suck back in, and I would do that again for what seemed like forever. Almost all the way out..... then back in! I started getting overwhelmed in my head at this point. Honestly, I was like having a major internal battle. I knew it would be stupid to go to a hospital at this point, the baby was crowning. But I started feeling defeated, and unsure if I could continue pushing like this. I finally stopped. Looked at my mother, and decided in my mind that this was it. I was PUSHING THIS BABY OUT! I gritted my teeth, and pushed with all my might. I felt crossed eyed and about to pass out I was trying to push so hard. My mom kept talking about "big baby heads" and other things I was blocking out at the time.
All the sudden, I felt the baby's head come out, but at that moment things got a little fast paced. Nicole pushed Zack out of the way, he was originally going to catch, but she noticed baby's cord wrapped a few times around the neck and criss-crossed to pin his shoulders back. He was a little stuck, so she had to get her hands in there to pull him out. She had me stand up-mid push- and she grabbed that baby out and gently handed him to me between my legs. I pulled the baby up to my chest and- ECSTASY!!!!!!!!!!! Zack and my mom were freaking out trying to pink him up a little and get him crying. But, I knew he was just fine, just needed a little rub-down and some Oxygen. I held the baby in my arms. Overwhelmed. DID I REALLY JUST PUSH YOU OUT OF ME! I still can't believe it. Its amazing. I birthed my baby, at home. I actually did it. Its the most amazing feeling. I feel like a superwoman. We had a boy. Asher Orion Pace. 7lbs 10 oz. 20.5 inches long. Big ole head, and quite bruised and swollen for quite some time, but he has healed up so nicely, and is starting to really get the hang of nursing now.
I layed down while the midwife and Jess checked me out for tearing and bleeding. I held Asher on my chest. Lincoln walked up to me, while Asher was laying on me crying a little bit. He said Asher just needs some milk, mommy's milk. It brought tears to my eyes, he hadn't nursed in over a year so I had no idea how he remembered. But it was awesome. Marnie was there taking pictures the whole time, she got some amazing shots that will be amazing memories to have forever. I did tear pretty extensively since they had to get in there pretty fast to pull Asher out. After holding my baby a few hours, I went into the hospital to get stitched up. (No fun, by the way, but it was awesome because Nicole came with me to be my advocate and make sure they treated me right. They gave me some local injections because I refused the epi, I wanted to avoid as much of that crap as I could. I was scared to be there, honestly, it was the scariest part of the whole thing. But it gave me some appreciation for what a hospital can do in situations that they are needed.)
It has taken me three weeks to sit down and write down all the details of Asher's birth. I am amazed at all the details I can remember though, since with Lincoln's I was so drugged I hardly remember anything. I am healed though. I got my VBAC. I want to do it again, I feel so amazing from the whole experience (well... except for the pain from tearing, lol). I want other women to know that they can do it too, that if you know all your options and are knowledgeable you can avoid going through the first unnecessary c-section and just have your blissful, awesome, empowering, natural birth!!!!!!!!!!

A love letter to Lincoln: ~from your mommy

2010-11-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

Lincoln Atlas,

My baby boy! My first son. I love you so much little guy. Right now we are getting ready for a big big change in the family, and I have been thinking so much about you lately. I want you to know that our love for you will never change. Your daddy and I promise that this new baby is not going to replace you in any way. Our family is only going to grow with more love and happiness and running around having fun with one more person around, sounds cool huh? You can be a good teacher and big brother, I just know it! Your going to love this new baby once it is old enough to play with you. You are such a smart little guy, and you have impacted so many peoples lives already with your fun crazy life! That will never change buddy. So many people love you and tell me everyday that they love having you around, or miss seeing your face (especially all our family in NC).
I love that you are talking so much now. You teach me new things everyday. You have shown me so much more to life than I ever thought was possible. You really are my everything, Lincoln. I think you know it too! I would do anything for you baby. I am sorry if you read this when your older, and you think I am so cheesy. I just want to hold you close right now, and let you know how much you are loved, and how much that is NOT going to change once this new baby comes. Yes, things will be different around here, for a while it will take some getting used to and adjusting. But things will calm back down and I will do my best to make sure you understand everything that is going on. I just wanted to write down how I am feeling with this new change coming up, so I can remember exactly how it felt on the verge of a big family change, from three to FOUR!! We love you so much Lincoln. Always. Just like you say to me all the time Lincoln; "you protect me, mommy?" yes Lincoln, I will protect you. "Always, mommy?" Yes Lincoln. ALWAYS!!!!!!
And your favorite song to sing to me when you think I am sad or hurt; "Don't worry bout a ting, cause its gonna be alright" (that's exactly how you say it to me) :) Love you little dude.
~Your Mommy

A father and his son.

2010-11-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this video.

We went to an empty parking lot next to an outdoor "park", and Lincoln just really enjoyed himself. This is one of his favorite things to do.... just be outside, running free and spending time with his daddy exploring the outdoors. Check it out.

Time is quickly running out!!!!

2010-11-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

HolyMoley!!!! I am 37 weeks today! I feel like I am in a race against the clock! Thanksgiving is next week, followed by lots of tests and finals week, and my due date!! I already feel so huge and swollen, I do not know how much longer this baby will hang in there. I tried to take a picture the other night (despite the fact that my camera broke :(- ) And the pants do not fit, and my belly is hanging out the bottom of the shirt its pretty hilarious(ly gross). Needless to say I didnt post that pic on facebook!! HAHAHA.... yeah. I have so many things I need to finish before baby comes too!
*Need to get a dresser for all these baby clothes I have been washing and getting ready!!!
*Need to thouroughly clean and sanitize the tub and bathroom, and really get down and clean everything hardcore.... since we will be having this baby at home!!
*Have to order our birth kit of stuff... its only like $40 bucks... but alas, we are broke.
*Have to spend few precious days/weeks left with my only child, Lincoln!!!!
*Want to paint my toenails
*Gotta go get the pregnancy massage my sister got me for my bday!!!!! (this is on the list to do for next week!!!)
*Need to finish thank you notes for my peeps who threw me a surprise baby shower last Sunday
*Want to get out for a solo date with my hubby- one. last. time. before the chaos assumes
*Must figure out a for sure name for this baby if the gender is a boy (girls name is already in place)
*Oh yeah, and gotta pull my Pathophysiology grade up! Test the monday after thanksgiving!
*Wanna make some labor-aide and have that ready along with some great labor snacks and drinks... anyone have a recipe for the labor-aide, or have suggestions on things they wanted during labor?
*Need to stop freaking out about pictures/and or video during the labor and just assume its gonna work itself out
*Totally need to give the dogs a good good bath and wash out their cages... its been bothering me
*Fit in some rest, these ankles and feet are starting to meld into each other....ewwwww
* Want to make/freeze some dinners to have pre-made before new baby comes and I will not have as much time to cook
*Learning how to become superwomen and be in more than one place at a time would help.

Is anyone else overwhelmed yet????

I really am trying not to be. I am absolutely loving this pregnancy, it is all just coming to an end so fast here, and I want to savor everything about it... the way our family is now and how everything is going to shift!!!! Yikes. Scary and exciting.

Super Powerful Birthing Words!!!

2010-11-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

I saw this in another birthing blog I love to follow.... I don't know who wrote it, but I find the words really really comforting and super powerful!!! Read on!

My body has the divine ability to grow a perfect child within it.
Without conscious thought it builds an amazing organ, the placenta, to help grow and feed my baby.
My body and my baby tell me what healthy foods they need to function and grow.
I listen to their promptings.
As my baby grows my body changes.
I embrace the roundness,the curves, the fertility that shows the power within.
I welcome the softness of my breasts and abdomen and legs because it shows how perfectly I am preparing to grow and feed this baby.
I take time to slow down, rest, and care for my baby and my body without guilt, knowing that it is for the best.
As I get closer to the time of birth I enjoy the last few weeks and days with the baby inside me.
I love her close presence, her constant reminders she is there and her growth.
As I get heavier I look forward to the moment of birth, recognizing that my body gets less comfortable so that I will embrace what I once feared: labor.
I wait for the baby to grow until it is ready to meet me.
I know that this baby will come when it is ready.
I love being able to give my baby time to grow to her full potential.
I trust her time table.
As labor begins I embrace the next step on my journey to motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I hear nothing else but my body and my baby as they tell me how to move and dance to make her entry more joyful.
I embrace the sensations.
They are strong, they are work, they are preparing me for motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I feel my body open to let the baby out.
I feel the baby move down as my body helps her come to our family.
I accept what is overwhelming.
Giving in to my birth makes me more powerful.
I roar my baby out.
What seemed impossible is done.
It is more that perfect.
It is as close as I will get to the divine creative power.
I embrace the slippery, perfect child.
I am a mother.

My second pregnancy- a vent

2010-10-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

I know I was going to start "fearless fridays", but to tell you the truth, I am not feeling very fearless today. I am feeling all sorts of emotions, but not fearlessness. I am feeling alone, and un-loved, and ashamed that I even feel this way. I dont even know if I will post this blog entry. I love spending time with Lincoln, but he is my only constant in my life. I dont always feel loved by my family, I dont always feel loved by my friends(especially), and sometimes I dont always feel loved by my hubby. Times are stressful. Im not pulling in the money I need to, and its all thrown on Zack.... he secretly hates me for it. This little boy is literally my everything right now. But the biggest thing I need to vent about is how different everything is with this second pregnancy. I was not ready for this. No one prepared me. My first pregnancy was all about the baby and me. People would open doors for me, pick things up for me. Buy things for the new baby and ask how we were doing ALL THE TIME. To be honest, I loved it. I loved the pampering and I loved the special attention. It made me feel so great, and powerful and loved!!!!! It was one of the reasons why I couldnt wait to be pregnant again-so I could feel that extra-special again. But apparently you dont get it for your second pregnancy, and I have been having a hard time with that lately. This whole thing sounds so selfish.... I know. But honestly I feel like this new baby is neglected and unloved too. No one ever goes out of their way to help me do things. I dont get constant texts from friends and family asking about baby. Nobody has asked me what the new baby needs. It makes me feel.... like no one cares. AND THAT HURTS SO BAD. It makes me feel alone, and un-loved like I said. I cant help that I feel this way. I know I am not the center of other peoples worlds and I sound like a brat. But the whole thing is just hard for me to process.
I love this new baby already. I know its going to be hard with school and Lincoln and everything, but I am excited to do it. I had to vent this, because honestly... I cant stop crying about it. I need constant friends, I need to feel the love from my family. This post is not me asking for it from them.... its just my chance to vent my feelings.

Fearless Fridays

2010-10-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

So I am going to try and post every friday. Something that inspires me to be fearless. I know that sometimes I just need an extra pick me up. I get anxious about things that happen, whether it is just an upcoming test, an encounter with someone I might not want to see, or an upcoming BABY!! :)

So here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs! Drive by Incubus. Just makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

"Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh
It's driven me before, it seems to be the way
That everyone else get around
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there"

The Lincoln Post

2010-09-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

I figured its about time for an update on all things Lincoln Pace!!!!!

Lets see.
physical stats:
Weight: about 29.5 lbs
Height: haha about up to my belly button
Clothes sizes: 2t shirts and bigger, can wear 18 and 2t pants, his legs are shorter so pants tend to run big still at this point, thank goodness for those adjustable jeans!
Shoe size: 7 (his feet are always getting stinky :))
Skin: still gets rashes pretty often, on face most especially breakouts like little pimples. Also gets rashes if clothes are washed in any different detergent. I switched to Tom's all natural soap and have seen a HUGE difference in the overall smoothness of his skin.
Teeth: seem to be all there, and healthy. Havent gone to a dentist yet, not sure about the appropriate time to actually do that???
Hair: has had one major hair cut with Melissa, I trimmed the front about a month ago, now Im letting it do its thing again, he just looks too adorable with long hair! Its still pretty blond, but I would say it is more dirty blond now.
Eyes: Beautiful blue, strangers still comment about how gorgeous they are!
Strength: last month he picked up a 7lb dumbell and brought it from floor to chest about 16 times! He is a very strong boy, can lift big exercise balls above his head. He will be a very naturally strong boy that is for sure!!!
Sleep schedule: He wakes up about 830 or 9, naps at 2 usually for about 3 hours. Goes to bed at.....whatever time we lay down. Its a process in the works right now.

personality:
Attitude: he is very strong willed just like his mommy and daddy! We def can get into it sometimes, with the whole not listening thing. He has plans of his own! But we work on this everyday... sometimes the best thing for me to do is ignore it, sometimes I have to pop him a good little spanking, and sometimes its just a time out. All have the right place/time in effectiveness for this little "terrible" two (at times). But he can be the sweetest little lover boy, and it makes up for the times when he gets defiant.
Likes: his toy story, cars, and wall-e movies. He loves to play with his buzz lightyear toys. He likes dora and diego cartoons best, and we are always singing the theme songs together. He loves bath time, loves playing hide and seek, and running across the living room with daddy. He enjoys the outdoors more than anything, and most days I try to get out of the house with him. Being the center of a crowd of 10 or 15 ppl doesnt bother him in the least bit, he LOVES being the center of attention, and craves our attention all the time!Getting his picture taken, and seeing how he looks in the picture. Food-wise, he is very picky at this point. Fruits and chicken are his fav. He loves hot dogs, cheese, sausage, eggs, pork (cause he thinks it is chicken), cereal, pop-tarts, and anything sweet. Basically that is what he eats right now. We work with him on veggies, but its a struggle... so for now its V8 fusion!
Dislikes: Spiders, Being told no, Sharing his toys (but getting better every week), Getting water poured over his head, the dark and being alone, and messes

developmental:
Speech: this little dude says everything! He speaks very well. He tells me full sentences for things he wants usually. He says his please and thank yous! When there is a word he might not know we help him learn it. Likes to ask "what you doing here?" tells me to "get off computer and come play toys with me!" " Mommy, I'll hold you"(meaning pick me up)
Learning: he knows his abc's really well at this point, he sings it all the time, but usually skips a few while singing it hah but when practicing it with mommy he knows it. We are working on shapes, he knows triangles and circles best. He does still have a problem with colors. At this point I think it might be something like color-blindness, or maybe just a complete disinterest in learning them. When we practice our colors, which is almost daily, he just doesnt seem to get it, time will tell with this one. He counts really well though, can count to 14. Again he skips around when singing them, but when practicing with mommy he knows the sequence of counting things. We work on coloring, he does well, but its not his favorite activity, he would rather be throwing a ball, like most boys probably.
Physically: He runs and jumps, with one and two legs. Can hop and skip, and walk up stairs not to steep without holding my hand. Tries to swim in the bath tub.
Potty training: Does extremely well when at home and no diaper on, can even pee standing up, thanks to Zack haha. Otherwise when we are out in public he will tell me if he poops.... but afterwards. I havent figured a good method for potty training when not at home. So I dont think he will be out of diapers by the time new baby comes in december. I just am not the best teacher on this, and honestly dont want to push it too hard. He is still just shy of 2 and a half, Im not rushing.
Preparation for new baby: We talk about the baby in mommy's belly all the time. He rubs my belly and talks to baby. He tries to feed baby through my belly button. He has watched birth videos with me, and sees (but I dont know how much he understands) that the baby comes out of me. I plan to have him fully present for the birth, he can be a super nurturer when I am sick or in pain, says, "mommy you hurt? You alright?" and it will be interesting to see how he handles it all.

Dude, I totally love this little man, and I know he has a lot of other people that do too. Im excited to see how much he is going to grow and change more throughout the next couple months and years. I couldnt ask for a cooler kid!!

Minivan mom??? I think not.

2010-09-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

Ok. SO I am only 24. I feel like if we jump off the deep end and purchase a minivan now... there is NO GOING BACK. I will officially be middle aged. Like total soccer mom, uncool, old person. Is it dumb for me to feel this way? Possibly yes. But I just have this stupid pre-conceived notion that minivans=uncoolness at 24. When your like 35... its totally fine, and probably expected. I mean they are so much more economical when you have a big family. Even with ours expanding here soon, we can still fit us all in a small car, but then no one else can ride with us. I wont be able to drive my sisters around or friends anywhere.
But I have been coveting a cool-ass crossover vehicle like the kia sorrento, lately. I mean look at how cool this thing is. And it has 3rd row seating so its like just as much seating as a minivan.

I know it may be silly, but I just cant do it, I cant be a minivan mom yet. I have rushed through my 20's so fast already and having two kids and being married five years at this point does not make me feel any younger. Believe me people, I don't think there is anything wrong with you owning a minivan. I wish I had that much confidence in myself to own one proudly. BUT I don't. I am not saying it is not going to happen for us, it might, especially since the price seems right. But I just can not shake the feeling that the first time I sit in that thing I am going to officially be middle-aged.

My path towards a homebirth.

2010-08-07T08:37:00.003-07:00

At this point on my journey towards a home vaginal birth after c-section (HBAC or VBAC) my biggest asset is to research everything I can about homebirth. I find that I crave more and more knowledge and resources all the time. I spend alot of time doing the following things: Looking at all the birth videos and stories. Taking birth video notes, reading awesome inspiring books, and just envisioning my birth as I plan it to be. I think your mentality during birth effects everything! Fear + Birthing do not mix. You have to get into a state of total calmness and accepting all that your body is doing. So I am working alot on my state of mind. (I really want to get into hypnobabies, but that is another post)

I watched "The business of being born" again a few weeks ago. To me it is what first inspired me towards a VBAC after Lincoln was born, and seeing it again just renewed those feelings in me. I took notes on it, and wanted to share some of the amazing things I learned from it this time:(my favorite scene from the movie, look at the PURE JOY on her face! I dont think anything can compare to that. I cry everytime I see it!)

midwives attend over 70% of births in Europe and Japan, and they attend less than 8% of births in the U.S
The U.S has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world, and one of the highest maternal mortality rates (personal note: do you see the connection here? Midwives in other countries help lead to higher success rates... WHY do we not use them here again???)
Very few obstetricians observe natural childbirth in school or practice
In 1900 90% of births were at home, in 1955, less than 1% birth at home and that number remains the same today!
The hospital delivery system is set up in a way to handle the 2% of births that have actual complications... and every woman gets put through that system, whether high risk or not... its like they are set up for the c-section, and led there through a cascade of interventions, until everything just falls out of their hands
Women in America are instilled with fear about birth, they expect traumatic births and plan for an epidural! (I know for a fact that birth DO NOT have to be traumatic, I have seen beautiful videos and have close friends that have birthed beautifully and without trauma... I will post some videos)
"Today what we have to rediscover is how easy birth can be"
Dont precipitate things going wrong with your birth
In 1996 the c-sec rate was 46%- 1/3rd of births were c-sec. This rate went up starting in the 70's when Electronic Fetal Monitor was introduced
The outcomes of homebirths are great: just look at history!!!
Trained homebirth midwives are incredibly skilled at what they do
Nothing compares to the natural high you get when give birth naturally
The pelvis of the american woman is just fine, thank you very much
People spend more time researching what car to buy than they do their birth options!
One of my favorite quotes from a woman about her labor: "I hit a wall that was higher than anything I've ever seen, and I scaled it!"

Another wonderful resource for learning all things childbirth is Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth." Which a fellow homebirth friend of mine recommended, and I will be eternally grateful. I learned more from this book then I ever thought possible. Here are some good quotes from the book!!!!!!

"Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body."
"It is important to keep in mind that our bodies must work pretty well, or their wouldn't be so many humans on the planet."
"There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ they would brag about it. So should we"
"the presence of even one person who is not exquisitely attuned to the mother’s feelings can stop some women’s labors… Many labors stopped or slowed down when someone entered the birth room who was not intimate with the laboring mother’s feelings."
"I believe that high adrenaline levels are the reason that so many women in labor find themselves no longer in labor when they check in to a hospital. "
"The pain of labor and birth has an entirely different message. It says: "Relax your pelvic muscles. Let go. Surrender. Go with the flow. Don't fight this. It's bigger than you."
Maximizing your chances of having a successful VBAC: "Avoid labor induction and augmentation. If there is pressure for you to dilate more quickly, try to get into water or walk the halls and arrange for some privacy... refuse a routine IV, make sure your well fed and drinking plenty... resist pressures to get an epidural. Last, spend your pregnancy loving your uterus and your baby. I mean this literally. Positive energy makes a good birth outcome more likely, so go for it. "

What I hope to send out there is that there is so much more information about birth then most women tend to look into. Know everything about giving birth that you can. If I could have known for my first what I know now.... things would have been so different. But, in my case I had to learn from that experience to realize what I can really do. I do not fear my birth or labor. I KNOW that it will not be easy, and do not expect some easy birth... but that is just it... I WANT TO FEEL! I want to have this natural real, empowering and totally unforgettable experience. And I want other women to have it also, hopefully you will look at everything before you have your baby! * I do want to add, that I do not think you HAVE to have a homebirth to experience this, but I know for me it is neccessary. You are just more likely to have a natural birth experience if you know everything before hand, and are fully prepared to stave off the ppl who might come against you while in labor in a hospital. I have a very close friend who just gave birth vaginally in the same hospital and with the same doctors office that has a reputation for being cut happy.... Her birth experience was beautiful, and opened my eyes to the realization that AWESOME births can happen anywhere :)

Video for those who have had previous c-secs

WHEW! go Ricki! Here she is debating homebirth vs. hospital with the Doctors

One of my FAVORITE VBAC stories... read this when you get a chance and the video of her birth is right here.

Pass this on to anyone you might know that is expecting now, or plans to in the future, I think it is great to look into everything you can before just going with the flow!
And for now, I am just going to be doing what I can to give this new baby the best birth I possibly can. I look forward to this experience with my husband and our midwife, Nicole.

Caution!! Highly Combustible!

2010-08-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

So I am 21 weeks right now. For the most part I would say I have been feeling wonderful... and have no complaints. I am loving being home with Lincoln. I enjoy spending as much time with him as I can before Nursing School starts in three weeks. I really have no reason to be mad or angry about anything.... that's where the pregnancy hormones come in. Oh man, does Zack have to be careful what he says and does because these days I tend to be a little bit on edge, and can bark at you without warning. I should have this sign on me at all times I think:

Not only are my mood swings cause for this warning sign, but also, I have been having VERY vivid dreams if you know what I am saying. Those do not exactly help with my easily combustible state of being right now :) But I am not complaining about those. Well until next time... I will try to keep things together cause like I said... I honestly have no reason to complain about anything right now, I am truly wonderfully happy! (right now)

18 weeks already!!!

2010-07-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

So I havent had a computer to be able to upload pictures or update this blog. But I have been very good about writing in my journal to keep tabs on everything this pregnancy. I have been feeling wonderful!!! I honestly feel so good and I am LOVING being pregnant. I have been feeling wonderful movement and occasional kicks.
I have gained about 1 and a half pounds. SOOO not to bad for the time being. I have really been trying to go for walks at night or use my exercise ball or just dance around with Lincoln alot. He keeps me mad busy anyways!He loves having his mommy home, but I think he is getting quite spoiled by it, I know once school starts next month he will do well in the schools daycare (if we decide that is what we are doing for sure) Oh and by the way.... I got into nursing school!! SO I have been pretty busy trying to get everything ready for orientation in two weeks. I have a CPR class next week. I need to get all my records of shots and everything from my old high school. I get fingerprinted at the UAPD tmrw. I also am trying to figure out what to do for books, trying to save up as much as possible from my babysitting.
Here a crazy thing to see how much my tummy is just growing growing growing......
Here is me at 10 weeks......and here is me at 16 and a half weeks...... (WOW what a difference in 6 weeks)
and.... here is a super cute picture of Lincoln just for the fun of it... He is so big. He is totally in his terrible twos but can also be the most sweet loving boy (thats why we are keeping him around:)) But seriously, dude, he is way sooo adorable and handsome. I am excited for him to gain a new brother or sister.... but probably brother (thats my guess right now)

Next blog update.... I am writing all about my plan to birth at home (yes you read that right)... whether you want to hear it or not :)

YAY! I can do this! Here we go!

2010-04-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

I posted this on my facebook about two weeks ago... kinda announcing my second pregnancy to all my friends and family. I kinda wanted to write out how I have been feeling and my thoughts about where I am right now, just so I can always look back at this.

Its been so different this pregnancy. I think I am somewhere around 5 or 6 weeks, but I feel no rush to have to find out right now. I am very nauseous continually all throughout the day. Last time I would just throw up and be done and I have not thrown up once yet. I am sleepy all day, and just want to hang out with Lincoln the whole day.... I hate being away from him. I want to enjoy everyday of this pregnancy and everyday that I get to grow this baby in my belly!

Most of all I am obsessed with MAKING THIS BIRTH DIFFERENT! Making this birth what I WANT.... what I KNOW MY BODY CAN DO! I will take control of this birth experience, for me and for this baby!!! I will not see a doctor if I can help it. I want to have the full midwife experience, I know that it is just as safe to deliver in the hands of a midwife... even safer actually, than if I were to go back to that god forsaken hospital. I cant do that again.

I just keep saying to myself... VBAC VBAC VBAC VBAC VBAC VBAC VBAC! I know I can do it.

Here are a couple really empowering websites that I have been visiting for the past 2 years since the birth of my son:

birthcut.com

theunnecesarean.com

standanddeliver.blogspot.com

ICAN-online.org

Changes are coming our way!!

2010-04-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

I have been working at Heinens for the past five years... the entire time my hubby and I have been married.... I havent known anything else. Lately it has been so hard, with work and school and trying to spend time with Lincoln. I have breakdowns all the time and it has really been hard on Zack. I need more time with my son... time I will never get back! So I have finally put my two weeks in at work. EEEKKK, its such a scary, excited, fun feeling. Im worried about how we will do, but at the same time I am planning on watching children this summer and during the weekends of the school year. Hopefully I can get enough business. I really would love to do that because I absolutely love working with children and I could be home with Lincoln at the same time.

On another note, we have had a wonderful last few weeks, with our spring break trip to florida to visit grandpa and disney. We also just went to Zacks brother Mike's wedding. It was beautiful.... and Lincoln looked super super handsome!! Check out this little man:

Bestest Vacation Ever!!

2010-03-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from our awesome week! Ill write all about everything later... for now.... goodnight.

My little Pace family had the best vacation ever over my spring break this year!

Ewwwwww.

2010-02-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

Just gonna throw this out there.........................

And

Dont really mix together when you have a child prone to throwing up!!! It was a yucky disaster this morning when I woke up to see a sticky boy covered in red vomit all over himself and the bed. Im not sure if this is full blown sick now since he has been randomnly vomiting like this for some time now, or if he just has a really bad gag reflux!! I dont know what to do! Someone help me out :(

Big BOY!!!!

2010-02-21T20:08:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to check in with the internet world out there.... or maybe just to myself cause Im not sure who actually reads these. But I cant believe my son is almost 2! He is such a cool little man. He is obsessed, and I mean OBSESSED with the movies Finding Nemo and Cars, everyday he asks to see them when he wakes up. Its a big dilemma for me because I dont really care for him watching that much television... but at the same time he is really learning how to throw a temper tantrum when he cant watch his movies.

This boy brings absolute joy to my life! Its seems like such a cliche to say it, but really, this boy brings real pure happiness into my life.... the kind you never really experience until you have a child yourself. I just wanted to share a few pictures of my little big boy! I hope he brings a smile to your face like he does to mine everyday!!!!

Happy 2010!

2010-01-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Well the end of 2009 has come and gone... along with my drive to do anything productive (except for reading the trueblood book series lol) But here I am sitting next to my 20 month old son.... watching Finding Nemo.... his absolute obsession right now. He wants to watch it everyday and if he cant he throws a screaming crying fit!

We had a great trip to NC over Christmas break, spending some much needed time with Mimi and Uncle Z and Uncle Clay! We got Lincolns professional pictures taken, we went to jumpin beans, we even visited the beach and aquarium! Lincolns vocab has improved TONS! He is a little blabber mouth repeating everything we say! He always says, "Wheres daddy" "daddy at wooowrk" and he sings lady gagas song "paparazzi" and its so cute and hilarious, i have to get it on video! Ill post some pictures of Christmas soon but for now Im going to post a few of Lincolns professional pictures he just got taken, they turned out great! Thanks to Rebecca, here is her website if you wanna see all her other awesome work www.theindieimage.blogspot.com

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2009-11-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving has been so super wonderful! Im thankful to be in NC and to spend it with family! I think we got to give someone one of the coolest thanksgivings ever..... someone who has been dyeing to meet Lincoln and didnt get a chance to until this year! It made our day to see you too! We had some wonderful food with Zacks Moms family. I spend black friday in boone, nc, which I love more than anything! Ill post pics of all that later, but for now.... here is what im thankful for this thanksgiving holiday season...............

Nightmares!!!!

2009-11-01T04:46:00.000-08:00

Lately Lincoln has been waking to nightmares in the middle of the night. At least that is what I think they are!! It really scares me, he wakes up screaming and shaking. I spent two hours in the middle of the night with him the other night because he wouldnt let me put him down!! Poor guy! Makes me sad. We went out and bought a night light, hopefully that will make a difference. I think he has had enough of scary Halloween stuff running around!!!!!!!
:(

Why I love fall!!!!

2009-10-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

YAY! My favorite season is here! Fall is the best!!!! Here are just some of the many reasons why I love fall:

Halloween!!!!
I cant wait to dress up and get Lincoln in a really cute costume!

(here are some pics from various halloween parties, even though actual trick or treating isnt here yet)

Falling leaves!!!

Hoodies!!!

Apple Cider!!!

Pumpkins and Hay Rides!!

Cozy Snuggling!!

Birthdays!!

P.s.... As you can see I havent blogged in about a month!!! Ive been so busy trying to keep up with school and spend some fun time with my family and enjoying my favorite season! I hope I keep up with this better. I cant believe my baby boy is 18 months old! WOW. He is just so fun right now playing and getting into everything, running around throwing things everywhere and just being a boy! SO FUN!

Family time!

2009-09-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Lincoln got to spend some much needed time with family that lives down in NC. He especially got to see alot of his grandpa, who doesnt get to see him very often, so it was so nice! He spent some time with his Mimi(grandma), aunt Nana, uncle Z and Uncle Clay, Great grandma and pa Zimpfer and Great Aunt Pam and Family! We wish we could have seen them more but we had a great time camping, and going to a wedding! Here is some pics of Lincoln spending time with our family!!!

and.... here is an adorable video of Lincoln and his grandpa in the restaurant!

The Pace Family Place

Old School Birth Stories

Yes, Birth does matter!

Mama milk and cars

Nursing in public

Lonely, Im so lonely... (or, Jessica Pace is lost)

Our 2012 Bucket List

Might be a while...

ASHER and being ONE!

My sweet one year old.

Photo to inspire memories

Finally!

New move update!

We got a place!

Saying goodbye to 25!

Slightly odd and random family facts

Boys and Birth

The subject of parenting:

Reasons I suck at parenting....

On being 9 months.

Big Boy Undies!!!!

Babies are perfect. Keep them that way.

Myth Vs Fact:Circumcison

Boys, slow down!

It's Mama's Milk Week!

An ordinary day in the life of.....

Swimming Summer

Accidental first food!

My sister, the bride.

North Carolinians again!

Shameful Admissions #4

My body

LA got a new haircut!

Lincoln-isms

Lincoln seems to be missing the concept of potty training. I told him it doesnt count when you poop on the living room floor then pick it up with your hands to put it in the potty! YUCK what a mess that was.

Lincoln says the other morning, "I yike cimanim rolls, they are yummy and they're tasty"

Story of my life

You got a friend in me

Shameful Admissions #3

Pretty sure words are not needed for this one...

Asher's first hospital experience

The Big Move.

Excuse this house

Our thoughts on homebirth 3 months postpartum

Growing boy 1,2,3

March 2011 Goals

March 2011 Goals

Work out at least 3 times a week (Jess)

Find a security job in NC. Not retail. (Zack)

Stick to the 30 day challenge for the month of March, no fast food or soda!

Get a B on a Patho test

Get that sweet baby boy Asher latched on the stupid left side boob, dangit.

Work with Lincoln on his colors, and do at least on sit down teaching session a day for 30 minutes, whether it be his ABCs, colors, writing, puzzles, or just learning about the way something works.

Get Lincoln to sleep in his own toddler bed in our room!

Apply for scholarships, and send in application for the doula workshop in july :)

Review of

February 2011 Goals

Gettting to know baby Asher

Shameful Admissions #2

Real MOM moments....

February 2011 Goals

a sweet moment.

Shameful Admissions #1

Cherish. Every. Moment.

A tribute to.... the butt chin!

The Birth of Asher Orion

A love letter to Lincoln: ~from your mommy

A father and his son.

Time is quickly running out!!!!

Super Powerful Birthing Words!!!

My second pregnancy- a vent

Fearless Fridays

The Lincoln Post

Minivan mom??? I think not.

My path towards a homebirth.

Caution!! Highly Combustible!

18 weeks already!!!

YAY! I can do this! Here we go!

Changes are coming our way!!

Bestest Vacation Ever!!