Shameful Admissions #3

I have a more positive self-image when I am pregnant, especially big and full and pregnant. I feel like my body has a purpose and it is beautiful being all round and buddha like, cause I am totally growing another human being in there.

But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.

Pretty sure words are not needed for this one...

Asher's first hospital experience

I wanted to write all about my time in the hospital with Asher. It was such an incredibly scary time. I felt alone, and helpless. Asher developed RSV, an infection in his lower respiratory tract, with inflammation in the bronchioles. It is pretty common, about 50%, for children to get, but usually presents itself like a cold, that can develop into ear infections or pneumonia. It can get serious when the baby is younger than 6 months because it is just hard on their little lungs to take. 

Zack was in NC and had just started his new job on monday 4/4/11. I had class that day and went despite my gut instinct telling me not to. All three of us in the house, Lincoln, Asher and I were sick. All having really yucky coughs with lots of mucous, hard time breathing. I was getting dizzy spells, and almost passing out. Asher was getting high fevers, and both boys had diarrhea. I thought it was just a hardcore cold, but my grandma was admitted to the hospital for pnuemonia and she had watched the boys for me the week before, and I was scared at that point that we might have something that developed into pnuemonia as well. SO despite the fact that we have no insurance, or money at the present moment, I told myself that if we were still bad tomorrow then I will take the boys in to the doctor or hospital. 

Tuesday: 4/5/11: Wake up and the boys were bad, real bad. Asher kept choking on his mucous and was having a hard time breathing, and it scared the shit out of me! Lincoln would act fine, running around like the toddler he is, but then he was sleeping alot and I knew he was not feeling well. We headed to the hospital after getting some facebook advice from some friends. We got to Cuyahoga Falls general hospital around 12 noon and did not get really seen and checked out for 4 hours! 4 HOURS! With a sick newborn and toddler. GAH I was furious, they werent that crazy busy either. It was another hour and a half in the exam rooms. Doing tests. Lincoln fell asleep on the table in there. They determined he just had an ear infection. But they were worried about Asher, he had really low oxygen saturation levels and had not had a wet diaper all day. He was also extremely tired and would not really wake for us. They wanted me to take him to Akron Children's hospital, and wanted him to stay on oxygen the whole time, so we had to take an ambulance! 

It was my first time in an ambulance. I really never thought it would be with my 3 month old. 

Long story short. I had to spend the next two nights there, I did not leave until thursday. I hardly slept at all. The little couch bed was uncomfortable and hearing baby cries all night, as well as the beeps of Asher's machines. I am glad I had my computer with me to give me sanity. I missed Lincoln so much, and am beyond thankful to my uncle john and family that they took Lincoln for that whole time to help me out!

Sent this picture to Zack, and it made him tear up, it was hard for him not being here with his son!

 He was on IV fluids for a day and a half and they were able to wean him wed night, and the oxygen till thursday morning.

 Thursday, with oxygen turned off and all the wires and crap off him. He seems alot happier!

I am glad we are home, and they boys are all feeling better. I am so thankful to the awesome nurse stephanie we had, she made our experience so much better, because I really saw that she cared for Asher and it made all the difference. I am also so so thankful and happy for my friends and family who supported me and helped with Lincoln while I was here at the hospital going through this alone. It was hard, but I am glad Asher was young enough he will not remember his first time in the hospital. ever.

Im laying here right next to lincoln, my almost three year old. Just trying to snuggle him for nap time. He can be such a sweet boy!

The Big Move.

Ohio vs NC

 

 
I have been asked many times by my friends and family why we are currently trying to move back to NC. I thought it would only be appropriate to dedicate a blog post to it, and set out some reasons we have discussed that are leading us to the south again.

1. Our dogs are becoming pansy little wimp dogs who just want to prance around in the house and avoid playing outdoors at all costs. I guess that happens when your cooped up inside a house for months at a time, and when the backyard is so teeny tiny they have to run around in circles to get any exercise. They lazy dogs have even resorted to POOPING on the back deck, cause god-forbid they get snow on their precious little (big) dog bellies! Here is a picture of the little brats/sometimes angels (but mostly brats):

                                   Tosko                                                                                  Abby

        2. Do I really even need to mention the weather?  
           Not only the weather, but also the scenery. There is no comparison, the part of Ohio we live in is drab and dull for almost 4 or 5 months of the year. I live in the city in a neighborhood with out much nature or beauty surrounding us. We crave the beauty of NC again. To have a house with a yard for the kids to play, and for us all to be able to enjoy more days outdoors, not bundled up in layer for fear of frostbite every time you walk to the car. Here is a good comparison, the same time frame, outside our house now, and outside Zack's moms house:
                                                                                 NC

                                                                     



                                                                     Ohio (same month)

            Don't get me wrong, Ohio does have it's beautiful areas, and times of the year. Perfect for visiting. I just think NC is gorgeous, especially near the mountains. Ahhh, just thinking of Boone makes me smile.

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul." -John Muir

        3. Family/Friends. While we have great friends and family in both places, we have some wonderful people in NC who miss us dearly, as we do them, and it would be nice for Zack's side of the family to see our kids more often. (Both his brother's live down there, his parents as well) I will dreadfully miss my family here in Ohio, and my best friends and all my mama friends up here!!!!!!
        4. A chance at a change, to start all over. And really change is good! We came here to Ohio at 19 years old and settled down, we have been in the same place-same jobs same house for this whole time, never meaning for that to happen. We just got stuck. So we took the plunge (well Zack did, by quitting his job last month) hoping that something good is going to come when you flip your world upside down.
        5. Southern Hospitality: Sweet tea, yes sirs and no mams, bojangles, four wheeling, fresh air, mountains, oceans, and just good ole southern charm. Can't beat it. 
        6. NC is where our hearts seem to be, we have longed for it for so long. And really I know home is where the heart is. :)

Excuse this house

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors
I should apologize, I guess
For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with my child
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
His eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.

-Author Unknown

I pretty much live by this quote. Hehehe. 

Our thoughts on homebirth 3 months postpartum

I wanted to reflect on my thoughts about homebirth 3 months postpartum. Have I changed my mind about it at all? Would I still choose to labor and birth at home if I could go back in time? Read on....

I loved everything about being able to labor and birth in my own home. I felt safe and I loved. I knew that I was doing the best thing for my baby. To be born into a peaceful environment, without the influence of drugs, and into the arms of people who love you. What could be better? Everything about my birth is reflected into Asher's little personality. He is such a loving, sweet sweet little guy. Peaceful and calm until he is hungry. Loves being in my arms and just looking up into my eyes. He is just such an all natural little baby, intact, and growing up on just my breastmilk. It all stems from just being informed on the best things for my baby. I only wish I would have been smart enough to make these decisions with my first, and I will forever live with the "mistakes" I have made (and both my son and I have the scars to prove it). I have grown from them and vowed to do things different with my second.
   If you have the right people surrounding you, a knowledgeable midwife, a helpful doula, loving family and/or friends, and you are a healthy woman with lots of information about birth, then I think homebirth is the best option for you, I know it was for me. I was saying with in days of the birth that I would do it again, all because of that release of hormones that make you feel strong and amazing! I felt like a superwoman/superhero for weeks, and still do. I could take on the world if it meant saving my family.

 

Here are my boys, just hours after Asher's birth. Asleep in their own home. Asher hasn't had any pokes or prodes. No unnecessary injections or blood drawn.  No strange people handling him, or bright lights blinding him. Just family and friends, and love, love, love.

 My Hubby's POV:
From the hubby's point of view i would from now on always do a homebirth.  Being able to enjoy a birth from  the comfort of your own home is a blessing and will always be the preferred method from my family from now on. I felt it was just as safe, if not safer than being in a hospital. I felt so much relief when my boy was born into our arms. I loved helping Jess through her contractions while she was in labor, it was awesome, I felt like I was participating and able to help somehow. 

Growing boy 1,2,3

1 month:

 2 months:

 

3 months:

Can't believe Asher is already 3 months old. I have not been journaling much at home, so I am trying to keep up with the blog. I just got to spend a wonderful 6 days of one on one time with Asher. It was so nice to build that relationship with him, but man I really really missed Lincoln and never want to be away from him for that long again. Asher is always talking to us, cooing and trying really hard to mimic our sounds. He is an avid bubble blower, and he sleeps like nobody's business. What a great great baby he has been. Such an awesome addition to the Pace family, and exactly what we needed.

March 2011 Goals

March 2011 Goals 

• Lose another 10 lbs (Zack)

• Work out at least 3 times a week (Jess)

• Find a security job in NC. Not retail. (Zack)

• Stick to the 30 day challenge for the month of March, no fast food or soda! 

• Get a B on a Patho test

• Get that sweet baby boy Asher latched on the stupid left side boob, dangit. 

•  Work with Lincoln on his colors, and do at least on sit down teaching session a day for 30 minutes, whether it be his ABCs, colors, writing, puzzles, or just learning about the way something works.

• Get Lincoln to sleep in his own toddler bed in our room!

• Apply for scholarships, and send in application for the doula workshop in july :)
  

 

 Review of

February 2011 Goals

Family goals for the month of February, 2011:

•  Read one book off my list of required reading towards becoming a doula. First one on the list is The Birth Partner. (Jess)     Awesome book! Ive started on 2 more books for the doula workshop
• Buy Browns Seasons Tickets (Zack) Put a down payment on em!
  
• Start a chore chart for Lincoln  epic fail. didnt even attempt this
• Go outside and make snow angels, and take pictures   Succesfully took pics in snow, but no snow angels tho
  
• Take at least 200 pictures this month- you really can never take enough when you have little ones growing so fast!!!
• Lose another 10 lbs (Zack)
• Start working out (Jess)  does once count?
• Get a grade of at least a B on a Patho test   seriously, patho will be the death of me
• Try out a toddler gymnastics class at Flytz gym  went to sign him up and they were closed
• Start on Lincoln's 3 year video for his birthday  didnt do it at all
• Get Asher to latch on my left side        almost did, he latched a few times.  He still hates it tho.
• Get Asher's weight up to at least 10 lbs (eat, baby, eat)    Yay, my boy is starting to chub up!! :)
• Work on cleaning as I go, get better at being a "house-wife" (Jess)  Always can work on this tho
  

Gettting to know baby Asher

Hi! My name is Asher Orion Pace. I am now 10 weeks old :) I am starting to really grow these days. Not sure how much I weigh exactly but I think its somewhere around 9.5 lbs or so. (I am still a tiny little peanut)

I really enjoy drinking mama's milk, its probably my favorite pastime. I am a very happy, chilled out little guy mostly all the time. I only get upset when my tummy tells me I am hungry, but I still do not like to scream and cry very often. I only have to make little complainy noises and my mommy (or daddy) comes to the rescue.

Milk coma. :) I love to fall asleep in my mommy and daddy's arms. It makes me feel secure and warm.

 I still fit in my newborn size clothes, but I am starting to be able to wear 0-3 months size. I look so cute in my sweet baby boy clothes :)

I really like being the little brother to Lincoln. He talks to me alot and tries to make me smile. Hearing daddy's voice also makes me smile, I feel happy when I see daddy.

Mommy takes lots of pictures of me. 

I sleep in a bassinet most nights next to mommy. But usually end up in the bed with mommy, daddy and Lincoln because mommy falls asleep while feeding me. (I will sleep next to them full time when I am a little bigger, and won't get squished by my big brother)

I am really good at lifting my head up. I am really curious about the world around me, and just love to see pretty colors and lights.

My skin is sensitive. My favorite time is at night when mommy puts burt's bees apricot oil on my belly and gives me nice massages.

Being born in the winter is really cool, but you gotta stay bundled up when you go out, that's for sure. I prefer my warm baby bear suit. It is very very soft.

 

 I really enjoy having my paci in my mouth, it helps soothe me, and almost always helps me fall asleep. I like to have something to suck on even when I am not hungry sometimes.

 I love to talk alot, I coo and giggle, and its the sweetest thing ever, and it will melt your heart. I also started blowing bubbles out of my mouth, and I slobber everywhere. Time to start wearing bibs, I think. :)