The funny thing about having a blog is....

The funny thing about having a blog is.... that if I post something it is here forever, and well, everyone can see what I do, and when I mess up then it feels extra embarrassing.

For instance, I wrote an angry passionate blog post about our horrible orientation for kindergarten and fervently declared that Lincoln would not be attending there. Six months and many discussions later, and today he attended kindergarten for the first time. I would take it back, but also I know we live and learn in life. 

Another example is a few years ago I wrote a post all about my hatred for becoming a mini-van mom, and now I am practically begging to get one! HA! 

I am learning to laugh at myself and just get through life each obstacle at a time!

Shameful Admissions #6

A few days ago I braved taking the boys shopping with me at Aldi's. 

I had one extra boy, whom I was babysitting. SO three lovely little hyper boys total in the little Aldi's grocery store + A 34 week pregnant mama who hasn't gotten to drink her caffeine yet....

and I managed to get all three out of my little car, we are holding hands walking across the parking lot, which is harder to manage then I supposed. And we get to the carts, I am searching through my wallet and bag and guess what I DON'T HAVE A DAMN QUARTER FOR THE SHOPPING CART!!! dimes, nickles, and pennies, yes but those do not help. 

BUT LOOK! Oh, hmmmm... this Chuckie Cheese coin is about the same size, let's see if this works! 

and it does! 

I think all is in the clear, until checkout when I realize, omg, I totally forgot they load your stuff into the cart at the end and give your first one the the person behind you. SO I switch all three boys to the other cart, hoping to load everything up REAL quick before the person behind me gets done and realized she is going to get a chuckie cheese coin instead of a quarter. Yeah, not a proud moment. 

Then back to the car, load up the groceries, load up the kids and realize I am way too far to leave the kids in the car and walk the cart back to the front. I look around for someone to give my cart to, and have no luck. So I abandon it on the litle island.... just in time for this man to pull up and see me, he gives me a stink eye and I just politely smile as I head back to sit in my car and bang my head repeatedly on the steering wheel. 

Also, not even going to go into detail about the small fire that was started at home when I was putting the groceries away and Asher decided to turn the stove on and burn a hole through the bottom of my yogurt, that story is just too embarassing. ;) 

Dear Hubby, ahem.

Dear Hubby,
  When I asked you to come help get the hair band band out of my tangled hair...I did NOT mean for you to actually cut my hair!  You cut the hair band off, not my hair. Now I have a random short spot in the back. Totally not funny, and your still chuckling about it. I. WILL. GET. YOU. BACK. FOR. THIS. ONE!
          All the love I possess at this moment,
                           ~Jess

Chicken No-nos

Welcome to the "I'm a Natural Parent - BUT..." Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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    So I am doing this post for something called a "blog carnival". Its basically a network of like-minded bloggers and blog topics that link to each other. The topic for this one I thought was perfect for me. It is called  "I'm a Natural Parent BUT..." Yes, I really do a lot I can to live and parent naturally but not everything I do would be considered "crunchy". There are definitely some Natural Parent no-nos that we still do.

The famous Mcdonalds chicken nuggets

   SO here it is. I am a Natural Parent BUT.... my son basically lives off chicken nuggets and nitrate laden meats (bologna and hot dogs) . We started him too young on fast food and cheap meats, before I ever really got into healthy eating and healthy natural living. So he just LOVES him some chicken nuggets. He especially loves the (dun dun dun) McDonalds kind.
   And OH boy do I have super mommy guilt over it! I KNOW how nasty those things are. How unhealthy. Salt-ridden and greasy not to mention the ridiculous amount of ingredients including non-food chemicals! Here is a breakdown of some of the ingredients of these "all white-meat chicken nuggets": http://www.thehealthyboy.com/2010/06/whats-really-in-mcdonalds-chicken.html    so I can't act like I do not know how yucky they are for him. I want to change his habits, but haven't done so fully yet. Well, here you are. My shameful Natural Parenting admission. I feed my older son like crap sometimes. And I really really want to change that.

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
• I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
• I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
• Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
• Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
• Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
• 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
• Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
• My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
• I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
• I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
• I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
• Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
• I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
• Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
• I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
• I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
• I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
• Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
• How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
• I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
• Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
• The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
• Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
• I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
• I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
• I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
• Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
• Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
• Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
• Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
• We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
• Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
• Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
• Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things

Shameful Admissions #5

Oh, man, this is a real shameful one...   I am ashamed because, well, I took money out of Lincoln's piggy bank so we could go out for lunch the other day. The worst part is he was watching me do it, and asking me why I was taking his money!!! *hanging head in shame* yes, I know it sounds like such a crap-tastic thing to do. Im putting the money back don't worry.

Reasons I suck at parenting....

 If you go by the books, sometimes I really do just suck at being a parent. Maybe I am just having an off day and needed to vent through this blog post, but I can pin point so many wrong things I do with my parenting its not even funny. Some of them, I will defend. I do not think all of these are necessarily horrible things, but most are common parenting guidelines that are set up that I just do not have for my boys. 

Well, here we go. Try not to hate me after you read this blog post. 

• I let my kids jump on the bed. (really, why not?) 
• I have a wild child, I do not reign him in. I let it blossom, and sometimes wonder if that is the worst thing I can do for him.
• The thing is I am not structured AT ALL. Like no way, totally laissez faire, run free children, type of parenting. I do have some specific guideline for them to follow but find it is hard when not in our own space to stick to these guidelines, and since I struggle with the whole discipline issue I can not seem to get Lincoln to adhere to these guidelines. The biggest one being him running outside with out me knowing and being somewhere at the neighbors house before I even realize!
• I sometimes laugh when Lincoln gets hurt, like if he was doing something I had just told him was not a very smart choice because he could get hurt then.... boom he gets hurt. I know, malicious, I am not making fun of him, just... well I have no explanation for this one. Just isnt very nice. 
• Sometimes I dont pay good enough attention to my kids, I have my head stuck in a book or am on stupid fb and realize that the reason the kids are being uber ridiculous is cause....well...I NEED TO BE PAYING BETTER ATTENTION TO THEM. 
• Sometimes, I use the playground as my babysitter. You gotta realize, I get NO BREAKS AT ALL, from being with my boys. I am not living with my Zack yet, so I get real tired of the constant go go go all day with them, so we go to the playground and while, yes, I am totally paying attention to Lincoln, I also can use this time to chill out and read my book or just relax. 
• My husband and I disagree on many aspects of our parenting together, which makes things worse. 
• I encourage my son to jump off the highest ring of the tower he climbed at the playground. While the other moms were freaking out when their kids jumped from halfway up the tower, I saw Lincoln climb to the very top, give me a look like he wanted to jump, and I said go for it!!! I watched him get crazy mad air, and knew yeah there is a chance he could get hurt but this boy has gotta learn not to be afraid and to take chances, and have fun, and if it hurt too much he would not do it again. 
• I sometimes loose my temper and react to my children with words or actions I should not. I struggle and battle with this everyday, to be the best parent I can be. To figure out just how in the hell I am really supposed to parent. I hear back and forth back and forth about how "Oh, you have to use spanking and time out because it is what gets them in line, and they will not listen to you if you dont do this", and then from others "Never ever spank a child or put them in time out it will affect them for the rest of their life and you will scar them, they will think you dont love them". Honestly battling with myself on these two its like I have multiple personality disorder and I am sure Lincoln is getting whiplash from it trying to figure out how mommy is going to react! 
• I do not make my kids eat their plates all clean. If he does not wanna eat it then fine, Ill save it for later. 
• Lincoln loves him some Mcdonalds Chicken nuggets, and I know they are horrible for him, yet I still let him eat there. Shame on me. 
• During my efforts to get Asher to nap twice everyday I have no idea what to do with Lincoln... so I will put on a netflix movie and he sits in the bed with us. I encourage him to play in the room but he gets bored and runs off into the house without me, and its not ok for him to do this since we are living with other family right now. 
• I have a temper and am pretty sure I have passed that down to Lincoln, just him watching me react to different situations if he sees me get angry at something its like he mimics me, " UGH, really!!!" I will hear him say a few hours later. Ashamed. At least its not curse words he is getting from me... He picked up a bad one from daddy though! Just from our speaker phone conversations!
• Sometimes I feel like I am going to loose it and want to grab all my hair and pull it out of my head. Usually this is when both children are hanging on me and grabbing and whining at the same time. I try all I can to be lovey and show them the attention they deserve but sometimes I am just pooped out and want some ME time! 
• I told Lincoln it was ok for him to pee outside in the woods. I created a monster with that one, yep. 
• My children do not know the meaning of quiet time, no matter what I try to teach or show them. Especially in the mornings. 
• I am NOT a clean freak, struggle with keeping a tidy room and have inevitably passed this one down too. We do have clean up time, but Lincoln gets pissed when I start singing that song. ha
• Ok, noticed almost all these pertain to my oldest, and that in itself should tell you something.  

 Ok, the end for now. Will add more once I can think of them or accidentally add to my list of things I suck at.


I promise I am going to do a post soon of the reasons why I RULE at parenting. LOL. 

Shameful Admissions #4

I need a man around this house.

Well, not just any man, but my man. My husband. I guess never realized how much help it is to have a man in your life. Since he has been gone I realized I have to mow the lawn, I have to fix the appliances, I have to kill the spiders, I have to be the one to check on the scary noise outside that the dogs are barking at in the middle of the night.... and so many other things that I am just not doing because I am already taking care of a toddler, an infant, and two crazy dogs while attempting to keep the house clean and start the packing for our move.

Whew, I miss having Zack around.

Shameful Admissions #3

I have a more positive self-image when I am pregnant, especially big and full and pregnant. I feel like my body has a purpose and it is beautiful being all round and buddha like, cause I am totally growing another human being in there.

But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.

Shameful Admissions #2

Today: Sunday the 13th of February, 2011 I vacuumed for the first time since Asher was born. Yes, he is 9 weeks old. Yes, I am cowering in shame at this-but I swear I heard somewhere that the sound decibel from vacuums can hurt newborns ears. So yeah, I just didnt do it...until now. Start throwing the stones at any moment.

Shameful Admissions #1

Its January 28th, and yes... we still have the Christmas tree up.

Can I just say its because I need the light at night when I am up with the baby? :)