Shameful Admissions #3

I have a more positive self-image when I am pregnant, especially big and full and pregnant. I feel like my body has a purpose and it is beautiful being all round and buddha like, cause I am totally growing another human being in there.

But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.

Pretty sure words are not needed for this one...

Asher's first hospital experience

I wanted to write all about my time in the hospital with Asher. It was such an incredibly scary time. I felt alone, and helpless. Asher developed RSV, an infection in his lower respiratory tract, with inflammation in the bronchioles. It is pretty common, about 50%, for children to get, but usually presents itself like a cold, that can develop into ear infections or pneumonia. It can get serious when the baby is younger than 6 months because it is just hard on their little lungs to take. 

Zack was in NC and had just started his new job on monday 4/4/11. I had class that day and went despite my gut instinct telling me not to. All three of us in the house, Lincoln, Asher and I were sick. All having really yucky coughs with lots of mucous, hard time breathing. I was getting dizzy spells, and almost passing out. Asher was getting high fevers, and both boys had diarrhea. I thought it was just a hardcore cold, but my grandma was admitted to the hospital for pnuemonia and she had watched the boys for me the week before, and I was scared at that point that we might have something that developed into pnuemonia as well. SO despite the fact that we have no insurance, or money at the present moment, I told myself that if we were still bad tomorrow then I will take the boys in to the doctor or hospital. 

Tuesday: 4/5/11: Wake up and the boys were bad, real bad. Asher kept choking on his mucous and was having a hard time breathing, and it scared the shit out of me! Lincoln would act fine, running around like the toddler he is, but then he was sleeping alot and I knew he was not feeling well. We headed to the hospital after getting some facebook advice from some friends. We got to Cuyahoga Falls general hospital around 12 noon and did not get really seen and checked out for 4 hours! 4 HOURS! With a sick newborn and toddler. GAH I was furious, they werent that crazy busy either. It was another hour and a half in the exam rooms. Doing tests. Lincoln fell asleep on the table in there. They determined he just had an ear infection. But they were worried about Asher, he had really low oxygen saturation levels and had not had a wet diaper all day. He was also extremely tired and would not really wake for us. They wanted me to take him to Akron Children's hospital, and wanted him to stay on oxygen the whole time, so we had to take an ambulance! 

It was my first time in an ambulance. I really never thought it would be with my 3 month old. 

Long story short. I had to spend the next two nights there, I did not leave until thursday. I hardly slept at all. The little couch bed was uncomfortable and hearing baby cries all night, as well as the beeps of Asher's machines. I am glad I had my computer with me to give me sanity. I missed Lincoln so much, and am beyond thankful to my uncle john and family that they took Lincoln for that whole time to help me out!

Sent this picture to Zack, and it made him tear up, it was hard for him not being here with his son!

 He was on IV fluids for a day and a half and they were able to wean him wed night, and the oxygen till thursday morning.

 Thursday, with oxygen turned off and all the wires and crap off him. He seems alot happier!

I am glad we are home, and they boys are all feeling better. I am so thankful to the awesome nurse stephanie we had, she made our experience so much better, because I really saw that she cared for Asher and it made all the difference. I am also so so thankful and happy for my friends and family who supported me and helped with Lincoln while I was here at the hospital going through this alone. It was hard, but I am glad Asher was young enough he will not remember his first time in the hospital. ever.