I need a man around this house.
Well, not just any man, but my man. My husband. I guess never realized how much help it is to have a man in your life. Since he has been gone I realized I have to mow the lawn, I have to fix the appliances, I have to kill the spiders, I have to be the one to check on the scary noise outside that the dogs are barking at in the middle of the night.... and so many other things that I am just not doing because I am already taking care of a toddler, an infant, and two crazy dogs while attempting to keep the house clean and start the packing for our move.
Whew, I miss having Zack around.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
My body
A silly video of Lincoln blowing raspberries on my tummy.
antithesis
I am large in my skin
I make no apology
This belly grew three babies
Why should it be flat?
It curves with the memory of the womb.
These breasts fed three babies
Why should they be pert?
They swell with the memory of milk.
These hips carried three children
Why should they be slim?
They are full with the memory of life.
My bones are secret under flesh
My skin plump and white and fine
Mine is the face of Botticelli
Mine is the water of the Nile
Mine is the shape of things forbidden
Daughter of Gaia, grown beautiful and wild.
~Lorri Barrier
A poem I found that applies oh so well to me. I love it. I wish I could love myself but I do not know I will ever get to that point. I appreciate the good and the bad and how much my body can do. How many people can say they have grown babies and fed them all with their body. No man, that's for sure, so how can they truly appreciate our bodies like they should be viewed? Most of us are not skinny supermodels with "flawless" skin. We have battle scars; birth scars. I sure as hell would take them all on again for my boys. I am large in my skin
I make no apology
This belly grew three babies
Why should it be flat?
It curves with the memory of the womb.
These breasts fed three babies
Why should they be pert?
They swell with the memory of milk.
These hips carried three children
Why should they be slim?
They are full with the memory of life.
My bones are secret under flesh
My skin plump and white and fine
Mine is the face of Botticelli
Mine is the water of the Nile
Mine is the shape of things forbidden
Daughter of Gaia, grown beautiful and wild.
~Lorri Barrier
I just wish there was a society that looked at a woman with a body like mine, and so many mothers that I know, and truly truly loved it because.... DAMN, LOOK WHAT THAT BODY CAN/DID DO!
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| while pregnant/in labor |
| I breast feed. I have now for a total of about 17 months between my two children. I plan to continue for as long as my baby needs. |
| My breast fed baby is strong now, and healthy. He is getting chunkier and chubbier and growing so well. |
| I have carried 2 babies, I have stretched and shrunk and stretched and shrunk. I have had a c-section which dramatically changed the shape of my stomach. |
This post was inspired by this post: http://www.drmomma.org/2011/05/birthmarks.html
(I guess it is a good thing not to many ppl read my blog, I am self conscious to post these pictures, but I am doing it because I want to get over it! And just because I am learning to appreciate my body does not mean I am not trying to lose weight, which I am but it is a slow process!!!)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
LA got a new haircut!
Ch-ch-check it out.
Before
During
After
What do you think? It has taken me awhile to get used to it, but it is starting to really suit him and it looks great. :)
Before
During
After
What do you think? It has taken me awhile to get used to it, but it is starting to really suit him and it looks great. :)
Lincoln-isms
Lincoln: "Mom, Im starting to worry about you."
Me: "Really, and why is that?"
Lincoln: "Well, cause, Im getting old."
Hahahaha makes no sense but it was so grown up and hilarious hearing my almost 3 year old tell me why he was worried about me. All prompted because I was frantically searching the house for something.
Lincoln seems to be missing the concept of potty training. I told him it doesnt count when you poop on the living room floor then pick it up with your hands to put it in the potty! YUCK what a mess that was.
Lincoln took a brush to my hair the other day, and for the first time unprompted he told me: "mommy, your booootiful". ~Heart totally melted.
He runs around shaking his fist in the air saying, "our battle will be lebendaiwy (ledgendary)" It's from Kung Fu Panda, the best cartoon movie ever.
He pronounces words amazingly and has such great grammar, but all his V's are pronounced as B's and itsthe cutest thing ever: I lub you foreber, be bery bery gentle (with baby Asher), Treber (Sarah's new boyfriend), I neber eat those gumballs, mommy-i hab to go outside and play.
I attempted to give Lincoln some breastmilk in a cup, since we were all sick last month and I wanted to give him some of the good antibodies that come with my milk.... after he drank the whole cup he looked up at me and said, "mom, where did this milk come from?" haha i guess he could taste the difference. :)
Lincoln says the other morning, "I yike cimanim rolls, they are yummy and they're tasty"
Monday, May 9, 2011
Story of my life
I get it from all sides. The questioning of why I do what I do with my boys. I have my reasons, and really I do not have to explain them to anyone, but I raise my boys based on what I believe is best for them, and what research tells me will help them grow up into their independence. I KNOW I am daily trying to do what is best for my boys. I am learning everyday how to handle the challenges of a toddler who is very determined, strong-willed, fun, adventurous, and o-so lovey. I do believe if I would have practiced more AP principles with Lincoln as a new baby, or even had a different birth, he might be a different person today. Also, its just plain personality. Asher is a super chill, happy, overall amazingly good baby. I have always co-slept with him, breastfeed him exclusively, wear him in my sling alot or just hold him in my arms, and have never let him just cry it out.
I don't know. What do you think? Is it just coincidence that my children's behaviors are so opposite?
I don't know. What do you think? Is it just coincidence that my children's behaviors are so opposite?
You got a friend in me
Lincoln and his bestest friend in the world, Bella!
They have been good friends for almost a year now. He sure is gonna miss seeing her every week when we move! And I am going to miss watching her!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Shameful Admissions #3
I have a more positive self-image when I am pregnant, especially big and full and pregnant. I feel like my body has a purpose and it is beautiful being all round and buddha like, cause I am totally growing another human being in there.
But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.
But now that I am fully un-pregnant, I feel crappy about my body image. It does not just bounce back like some women's bodies who look like they never have carried a child in their life. I think it has a lot to do with my c-section scar and the way it makes my belly divet in there... its just horrible. I am deflated looking, utterly deflated. AND I KNOW... my body is still amazing in the fact that I am the sole provider of nourishment for my 4 month old baby. He has never had a drop of anything else other than the milk I make with my own body. In that respect, its pretty amazing. But hey, this is my shameful admission post and I am just gonna get it out there. I hate my post-baby body. HATE.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Asher's first hospital experience
I wanted to write all about my time in the hospital with Asher. It was such an incredibly scary time. I felt alone, and helpless. Asher developed RSV, an infection in his lower respiratory tract, with inflammation in the bronchioles. It is pretty common, about 50%, for children to get, but usually presents itself like a cold, that can develop into ear infections or pneumonia. It can get serious when the baby is younger than 6 months because it is just hard on their little lungs to take.
Zack was in NC and had just started his new job on monday 4/4/11. I had class that day and went despite my gut instinct telling me not to. All three of us in the house, Lincoln, Asher and I were sick. All having really yucky coughs with lots of mucous, hard time breathing. I was getting dizzy spells, and almost passing out. Asher was getting high fevers, and both boys had diarrhea. I thought it was just a hardcore cold, but my grandma was admitted to the hospital for pnuemonia and she had watched the boys for me the week before, and I was scared at that point that we might have something that developed into pnuemonia as well. SO despite the fact that we have no insurance, or money at the present moment, I told myself that if we were still bad tomorrow then I will take the boys in to the doctor or hospital.
Tuesday: 4/5/11: Wake up and the boys were bad, real bad. Asher kept choking on his mucous and was having a hard time breathing, and it scared the shit out of me! Lincoln would act fine, running around like the toddler he is, but then he was sleeping alot and I knew he was not feeling well. We headed to the hospital after getting some facebook advice from some friends. We got to Cuyahoga Falls general hospital around 12 noon and did not get really seen and checked out for 4 hours! 4 HOURS! With a sick newborn and toddler. GAH I was furious, they werent that crazy busy either. It was another hour and a half in the exam rooms. Doing tests. Lincoln fell asleep on the table in there. They determined he just had an ear infection. But they were worried about Asher, he had really low oxygen saturation levels and had not had a wet diaper all day. He was also extremely tired and would not really wake for us. They wanted me to take him to Akron Children's hospital, and wanted him to stay on oxygen the whole time, so we had to take an ambulance!
It was my first time in an ambulance. I really never thought it would be with my 3 month old.
Long story short. I had to spend the next two nights there, I did not leave until thursday. I hardly slept at all. The little couch bed was uncomfortable and hearing baby cries all night, as well as the beeps of Asher's machines. I am glad I had my computer with me to give me sanity. I missed Lincoln so much, and am beyond thankful to my uncle john and family that they took Lincoln for that whole time to help me out!
Sent this picture to Zack, and it made him tear up, it was hard for him not being here with his son!
He was on IV fluids for a day and a half and they were able to wean him wed night, and the oxygen till thursday morning.
Thursday, with oxygen turned off and all the wires and crap off him. He seems alot happier!
I am glad we are home, and they boys are all feeling better. I am so thankful to the awesome nurse stephanie we had, she made our experience so much better, because I really saw that she cared for Asher and it made all the difference. I am also so so thankful and happy for my friends and family who supported me and helped with Lincoln while I was here at the hospital going through this alone. It was hard, but I am glad Asher was young enough he will not remember his first time in the hospital. ever.
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