39 weeks and a poem

Im 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

Lincoln took this amazing picture last week 

Feeling pretty great in general.
The last few days things have definitely shifted. Much more crampy and feeling baby down SO low.
I also have a yucky cold and tooth pain.... thinking my body is working so hard at getting rid of that stuff before kicking into labor gear.
But I am feeling incredibly excited to feel this warm squishy baby in my arms. To introduce him/her to the family and hear the baby's beautiful voice.
I want to see baby toes and baby eyes and whether baby has hair or not.
Yes, I am definitely feeling ready.

This morning I was taking my bath and reading Sacred Pregnancy book, week 39 about giving birth. It talked about how precious and amazing this time is and how important it is to give into that power and just let it wash over you. I read the whole thing with a big grin on my face while baby kicked inside my womb, just knowing this would happen so soon and baby is such a big part of the whole process. But what really got me all kinds of weepy and emotional was the poem. I have to share it with you:

Being Born is Important. by Carl Sandburg

Being born is important
You who have stood at the bedposts
and seen a mother on her high harvest day,
the day of the most golden of harvest moons for her.

You who have seen the new wet child
dried behind the ears,
swaddled in soft fresh garments,
pursing its lips and sending a groping mouth
toward nipples where white milk is ready.

You who have seen this love’s payday
of wild toiling and sweet agonizing.

You know being born is important.
You know that nothing else was ever so important to you.
You understand that the payday of love is so old,
So involved, so traced with circles of the moon,
So cunning with the secrets of the salts of the blood.
It must be older than the moon, older than salt.

Home birth supplies

All right let's see, here is a pic of the majority of birth supplies I have right now.
What is in it:

• Tons of chux pads/doggy peewee pads to put down around the house as needed
• Birth tub liner
• Debris net to clean out floaties from tub. Yes I said it. 
• Sterile gloves
• Gauze sponges
• Surgical lubricant. Though I think olive oil or coconut oil would suffice
• Curtain liner to cover couch (I got PVC free)
• Antiseptic skin cleaner (no idea why I have that??)
• Paper towels
• Drinking water safe hose (50 ft.) for filling Birth Pool in a Box 
• Hand sanitizer (I have EO lavender spray and castile soap wipes)
• Granny panties, like the hospital ones, super big and more comfortable 
• Maxi pads, Heavy duty kind to make frozen postpartum pads with postpartum bath herbs and witch hazel sort of like this: http://www.milkfriendly.com/2012/06/post-partum-care-make-your-own-frozen.html 
• Postpartum bath herbs from my awesome Midwife, and I also have more from LuSa Organics
• Peri bottle (yes!)
• Wishgarden Afterease tincture
• MegaFood Blood Builder for my iron levels after birth 
• Cord clamps 
• Bulb syringe
• Lots of towels, and lots of washclothes
• Bendy straws (for easy drinking in labor)
• Healthy and yummy labor snacks and drinks (water, coconut water, juices, fruits) 

These are just the supplies that I have listed from my midwife to have on hand, or that I thought may be handy from past experience. This does not include the awesome bag of tricks that both my Midwife and my doulas will have on hand. But in the end, really, these are all mostly just precautionary type supplies. Let's let birth unfold without messing with it and see what miraculous things take place!!!! 

What would you add to this list? Is there something you think would be super handy that I have forgotten? 

Excuse my crazy crazy hair and clothes. This is how I roll most of the time these days. 

Prepping for a transition

I am not sure of how typical it is, but both my boys seem to be going through new "phases" as we prepare to welcome this new baby any day. Let me go a little more in depth.

Lincoln-

has recently started this very odd oral fixation thing. Hands in his mouth constantly, biting and sucking on random things here and there. He has never been like this, did not even take a paci for very long as a baby. Now I am constantly asking him to take his fingers out of his mouth, and he is getting red irritated marks around his lips from doing it so often! I know there has to be some "reason" behind the whole thing. It seems very unusual for his age~ almost 5, to start something like this. Thoughts? What can I do other than ask him not to do it?


Asher-

Where can I start with Asher? Things have been really difficult with him lately. He is in this new "NO" phase and while I definitely know this is normal, it is just not in line with his usual personality. He does not and will not listen to me at all lately. He acts insanely defiant and pushes me to the verge of tears almost daily now. This whole thing was just so sudden and I am having a difficult time with holding my patience together dealing with him. Its this whole HUGE struggle to do our daily things like diaper changes, getting dressed or anything thats not his number one priority at that time. This may just be a coincidence that it is coming out right before baby, but it may also be him asking for more attention because he senses all the time I am putting into "baby Mars" already. Whew, I don't know!!!!!

Trust vs. Fear

trust  /trəst/

Noun Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Verb Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.

Synonyms noun.   confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief verb.   believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust

vs. 

fear  

/fi(ə)r/

Noun An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Verb Be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening: "farmers fear that they will lose business".

Synonyms noun.   dread - fright - apprehension - funk - awe - alarm verb.   be afraid - dread - apprehend - funk - be afraid of I have been trying to spend a lot of time lately in my Sacred Pregnancy book. There are weekly topics and you do them almost like devotionals, journaling and reflecting on each subject. I have been struggling with fear lately, I know it has a lot to do with being told lots of scary stories as a doula. So I randomly flipped to a week and came to week 22: TRUST, and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Inhale Trust...Exhale Fear... this has become my mantra each night as I fall asleep. I do this little exercise if someone has shared a not so pleasant birth story with me, or if I am feeling particularly stressed. I focus on Inhaling trust, and Exhaling all the fear.  When I breath in trust I envision a strong chain link armor pulling across my body. This armor protects me and gives me strength.  It is impenetrable and unbreakable. I am safe.  TRUST When I exhale fear I think about this gross black smoke cloud emitting from my mouth. I like to think it is all the toxic thoughts and insecurities that nag at me and they are just exiting my body.  FEAR Here is my most favorite quote that I want to write so big and hang in my birth space: "Have confidence that your baby is growing perfectly and that you will be able to deliver your child with ease and in harmony with the universe. " I will!!! I do!!! I am!!!

Woah, this is happening.

It is starting to hit home.

We are going to have a new baby here soon. I will be giving birth again soon.

I had my home visit with my Midwife tonight. At some point I started shaking, I knew it was because I realized the proximity of all we were talking about, and to be honest, I am NERVOUS! Im excited, scared, worried, stoked, freaking out and totally feel like a chicken running around with their head cut off. I don't even have all my birth supplies yet, and realized that I should probably jump on that at 36 weeks. It snuck up on me, was I not just 30 weeks???

I didnt get to do all my peaceful birthing hypno tracks, I better start! I have my Blessingway in a week and a half. Also, I still need to get my birth tub! Ok, I will not freak out. I will breath in, slowely. Breathe out and let all my worries float away.

When I close my eyes and picture my upcoming birth I can not help but smile ear to ear. I want to keep that enthusiasm for giving birth and let all the worry melt away.

Cause, WOAH, THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!

Prenatal visit with the Midwife. Getting belly measured, and Asher nursing at the same time

Mommy's little Midwife helpers

Shameful Admissions #6

A few days ago I braved taking the boys shopping with me at Aldi's. 

I had one extra boy, whom I was babysitting. SO three lovely little hyper boys total in the little Aldi's grocery store + A 34 week pregnant mama who hasn't gotten to drink her caffeine yet....

and I managed to get all three out of my little car, we are holding hands walking across the parking lot, which is harder to manage then I supposed. And we get to the carts, I am searching through my wallet and bag and guess what I DON'T HAVE A DAMN QUARTER FOR THE SHOPPING CART!!! dimes, nickles, and pennies, yes but those do not help. 

BUT LOOK! Oh, hmmmm... this Chuckie Cheese coin is about the same size, let's see if this works! 

and it does! 

I think all is in the clear, until checkout when I realize, omg, I totally forgot they load your stuff into the cart at the end and give your first one the the person behind you. SO I switch all three boys to the other cart, hoping to load everything up REAL quick before the person behind me gets done and realized she is going to get a chuckie cheese coin instead of a quarter. Yeah, not a proud moment. 

Then back to the car, load up the groceries, load up the kids and realize I am way too far to leave the kids in the car and walk the cart back to the front. I look around for someone to give my cart to, and have no luck. So I abandon it on the litle island.... just in time for this man to pull up and see me, he gives me a stink eye and I just politely smile as I head back to sit in my car and bang my head repeatedly on the steering wheel. 

Also, not even going to go into detail about the small fire that was started at home when I was putting the groceries away and Asher decided to turn the stove on and burn a hole through the bottom of my yogurt, that story is just too embarassing. ;) 

My "Essentials" List For This Pregnancy

or things that have (sometimes literally) saved my butt!

1. My body pillow. Big, super soft and fluffy
2. Morning cup of coffee. Vanilla, please! 
3. Bath time with lavender essential oil in it 
4. Earth Mama Angel Baby Mama Bottom Balm and witch hazel
5. Coconut Oil
6. Candles 
7. Having an awesome sister tribe of empowering women who help every time I get a little bit of doubt or fear creeping into my head 
8. Knowing my body, and more about pregnancy then I ever thought possible. Bleeding gums, ah that's normal for me. I have a pretty good idea on the amount of weight gain that will happen, I am more in tune with when I have had too much sodium or need to drink more water.
9. My lovely Midwife. Leaving prenatal visits feeling super positive and excited about pregnancy and birth. 
10. Awesome birth books, and the ocassional paranormal romance 

33 week update!

Whew! The final stretch is just around the corner. I may be such an odd person but I want it to SLOW down, I do not want to rush these last few precious, amazing, and sacred weeks I have with baby number 3 growing inside my belly. I am feeling closer than ever bonded to baby, the kicks are so strong and responsive. I will bullet point some tidbits so it is easier to read :

• I close my eyes and can see where baby is positioned and I feel amazingly in tuned to him/her. Baby is head down right now, I am certain I can feel hiccups very low. The back and bum are against my left side and I feel kicks and jabs and movements everywhere. 
• I have started pulling out all the newborn clothes, and getting "new" to us clothes from wonderful friends.
• We also have a pretty nice cloth diaper stash building up for the sweet baby bum. 
• Maternity shirts are a pain and not much looks very good on me, belly is higher this time, but lower too... I cant explain that very well. My belly is stretched out more so its not tight skin round belly that is lower, it is more jiggly ;). Baby is sitting higher up though, which makes my pelvis happy. 
• My gums are bleeding insanely every time I brush. This is not abnormal for me. 
• I dream of taking a bath in some soothing body lotion such as shea butter or something similar. I have these intense dry spots especially on my elbows and knees that I can not fix! 
• I can still reach my feet pretty well, though Zack was so wonderful and painted my toes for me the other day!
• I am starting to feel the dreaded pubis symphysis pain in the front. Its a sharp stretching pain. Im trying to get up with both legs together at the same time to try and minimize it. 
• Lincoln and baby Mars. I do not even need to say more, other than I HAVE to video his amazing conversations to and about the baby. He is incredible. He talks to baby every night, he tells me about baby being born in the water and how he can not wait to hold baby in his arms when he/she grows big enough to be ready. We talk about everything! He is very fascinated with the umbilical cord and how it becomes our belly buttons. 
• Still searching for a comfortable sleeping position. My body pillow does help some. 
• BUBBLE OF PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My doula Chelsea read to me a hypnobirthing script about my bubble of peace and it hit home so hard. I have my protective shield up finally, and am only allowing the positive stories in and shielding away any negativity! 

Lincoln-isms version 2012

This is Lincoln's year in review, mostly from facebook updates, and random pictures from Instagram. He says the silliest things. He is so observant and hilarious. This year has been so fun with him. Have a giggle. 

• "mom, tell Asher to stop hulk-ing me"

• Lincoln embarrassed me beyond belief today when we were out in greensboro... We has walked past an Asian man and Lincoln yells pretty loudly, "LOOK MOM, he is from Gangnam Style." I just stared at him open mouthed and quickly walked away, hoping no one heard him. :o

• We have been laying around and snuggling all day after Lincoln being sick and throwing up all night. The three of us woke up from an afternoon nap and Lincoln turned over to me and said, " You are so beautiful mommy. I love you more than SuperWhy." ;)

• We pulled up to drop Sarah off at her work and I was explaining that Sarah works there to Lincoln he responded with, " but she can't work, only daddies work." *facepalm 

• Lincoln wished on the blue moon tonight over and over. He said he wants a Woody doll. :) silly boy.

• Lincoln's adorable quote for the day: " mom, I wish I wanted to woosh away into outer space".

• Lincoln's new thing- Me: Lincoln why did you do that? or how come you didnt want to do this? Lincoln: Because it doesn't say so in my story. thanks SuperWhy.

• "Lincoln, who was mad at me for not sharing the last bite of yogurt, told me that a policeman was going to come and poke me in the eye...."

• Lincoln just made me one teary eyed sappy mama... he laid his head on my belly and said "mom can I tell baby Mars good things?" And I said of course. He started rubbing my belly and said " baby you are beautiful!" :) tears. Lots of sweet emotional tears. Night y'all. That just made my year.

• Me: Lincoln get your seat buckled so we can go to the store. Lincoln: I'm not Lincoln, I am a princess. Everyone will know me now. Hahaha he found the headband on the floor as won't take it off. Insists in wearing it into the store. I can't make this stuff up. LOL.

• "he is the king of the spidermans"

i love this kid. 

Doing my "next time" checklist.

I can not even recall all the many times I have heard it said among my mama friends. "If we have another baby, I would love to do ________ next time." or "Next time I plan on doing _____ and ______ differently. " I know I have said these things myself as well quite a few times, but now.... NOW IS MY "NEXT TIME."

So the hard part is trying to remember all those things I would LOVE to plan happen surrounding my pregnancy/birth and babymoon time period. Here is a checklist of sorts of things I desire with all my heart and will strive for achieving with every resource available to me.

• make a birth quilt! I have been drooling over doing this for so long, but need help! I want to have a Blessingway where my close friends bring a special square to add to the quilt, and once baby is born, I can take pics of baby on the quilt every month. Like this: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2009/04/birth-quilt-in-progress.html  
• have end of pregnancy photo shoot outside with the trees
• belly henna! 
• decorate my birth room! positive sayings, lots of colors, pictures, and candles I am sure my doula friends can help me with this :) 
• stay more active in end of pregnancy, especially stretching and doing my squats
• a peaceful water-birth where HUBBY catches baby before passing baby back through my legs and straight to my chest. (that is, if I give birth hands and knees again) 
• an INTACT perineum aka NO hard pushing for hours, peaceful birthing the baby down and breathing baby out 
• wait to find out the baby's sex, just hold and snuggle my new baby for a while without caring about their sex. Even if any interventions are needed like they were with Asher a little bit, I will stay calm and focused on my baby's face and not be tempted to sneak a peek. :) 
• NO BABY HATTING! http://progressive-parenting.com/2012/04/24/three-things-we-need-to-stop-doing-to-newborns/
• more skin to skin! Anyone who wants to hold the baby within those first few hours or days.... plan to get topless! :) 
• cook lots of meals and freeze them before baby comes 
• lay in bed and snuggle baby for a few weeks with the family. Get to know each other. Be lazy. Take too many pictures. 

I am very absolutely sure there are more things on my list.... hmmm, what am I forgetting? I am sure there will be part 2! Leave your "next times" in the comments! :)